Why So Serious? The 10 Best Movies of 2008

What does a battle between a nun and a priest, the Caped Crusader, a robot from the future, and an illiterate slumdog from Mumbai all have in common? These are just a few of the movies that have movie-watching in 2008 all the more memorable, and thus deserve a timely year-end resignation we like to call the 10 best movies of the year.

1. Slumdog Millionaire - Question: what do you call a film about a illiterate teen from Mumbai going on India's version of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? and coming close to winning 20 million rupees and possibly his death? Answer: the best movie of 2008. No other film this year matches the vibrant energy or the blistering, in-your-face reality of third-world living than Danny Boyle's rags-to-riches tale of Jamal Malik's (the amazing Dev Patel) quest to win the heart of his childhood love, Latika (Freida Pinto) by going on a popular Indian quiz show in hopes that she watching. So is his older brother, Salim (the excellent Madhur Mittal), caught in an ethical trap - continue to serve a local mob boss who will kill Jamal for trying to steal Latika from him, or help his estranged brother and risk his own life in the process. Cinematographer Anthony Dod and editor Chris Dickens give a poet's eye to the harshness of the third-world, yet but allows life to breath in from almost every frame. Composer A.R. Rahman's score is full of pop and heartbreak to create a work of aching beauty. But it's Boyle who works wonders in this movie miracle. Shot using compact digital cameras, he paints a no-bull honest look at hard living in Mumbai that shocks and inspires you all at once. The end result is a masterpiece film where love, life, tragedy, and despair cross paths seamlessly.

2. Doubt - Watching Oscar winners Philip Seymore Hoffman and Meryl Streep exchanging verbal blows is like watching two heavyweight prizefighters go at it for fifteen rounds in the ring. Hoffman plays Father Flynn a middle-school priest who is suspected by the Catholic school's principle, Sister Aloysius (Streep) to having an inappropriate relationship with the school's first African-American student, Donald Muller. Her evidence is Sister James (Amy Adams) saw Donald upset while returning from Father Flynn's office and smelling alter wine on his breath. Why wound anyone find a movie like this even remotely interesting, you ask? Start with Hoffman and Streep, trading sharp insults, dialogue and shouting contests like devastating blows. Add in the fact that John Patrick Shanley's own 2005 Pulitzer-winning play was excellently written and directed by him and you have a drama that never really tells all, but leaves you with doubts about Flynn and Aloysius and their motives. Did I forget to mention Doubt grabs you and pulls you in better than any other suspense thriller out there this year?

3. The Dark Knight - Christopher Nolan's sequel to 2005's Batman Begins does what no summer movie since Spider-Man 2 did in 2004: not only live up to the hype, but do so by leaps and bounds. Bruce Wayne and his crime-fighting alter ego now take on the sociopath criminal mastermind known only as the Joker as he leaves a trail of death and chaos along Gotham City, leading everyone - from Gotham's new D.A. Harvey Dent, to Wayne's butler/father figure, Alfred - to confront ethical traps they can't escape from. Everyone from Christian Bale to Aaron Eckhart give sold performances but it's the late Heath Ledger's turn as the Joker that pulls you in. Ledger's Joker is nothing short of a tour de force and is right up there with Daniel-Day Lewis's Daniel Plainview (There will Be Blood) and Forest Whittaker's Idi Amen (The Last King of Scotland) as one of the great performances this decade.

4. WALL-E - After watching Ratatouille last year, I didn't think it possible how Pixar was going to top Brad Bird's beautiful and funny love letter to France and its culture. Enter director/co-writer Andrew Stanton's (Finding Nemo) story of WALL-E, the robot who has been cleaning up Earth's messes for over 700 years and his adventure with EVE, a robot sent from the spaceship Axiom to search for any signs of life on Earth, and you have another groundbreaking masterpiece that ranks with Pixar's other triumphs, Toy Story, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, and Ratatouille. Sure, the story's warning's of complacency and corporate greed fucking up our planet will go over the heads of the kids, but the romance between WALL-E and EVE transcends generations, and includes some of the most moving sequences i've seen since Miles and Maya in Sideways. WALL-E shows Pixar Animation Studios at their peak powers and they're showing no signs of slowing down with their newest creation, Up!, due out next May.

5. Milk - What an amazing man. What a tragic end to his quest for gay rights. Harvey Milk, the first openly gay man elected to public office, and San Francisco Mayor George Moscone were both assassinated in 1978 by troubled politician Dan White. This stirring and compassionate biopic, directed by Gus Van Saint and staring Sean Penn as the title character, isn't about that fateful day. Its about the man, his crusade for equality and justice for the gay and lesbian community, and his personal triumphs and losses. Penn doesn't so much play the slain gay activist as he does bare his soul for all to witness. Josh Brolin plays White not as a monster, but as a man at war with his own emotions and isolation. Watching him naked and cut off from everyone, in a small room, is devastating. If you think Van Saint's Milk isn't a call to arms to carry on in Harvey's work, then let me point to California's shameful vote on Proposition 8 on Election Day. Where's Harvey Milk when we need him the most?

6. Frost/Nixon - Go ahead. Tell me that Ron Howard's take on the historic battle between disgraced former President Richard Nixon and talk show host David Frost has no relevance today or is the kind of filmmaking that'll put an audience to sleep faster than NyQuil. I say that the movie's themes of holding our elected officials accountable for their crimes is a much needed wake-up call. And if you should fall asleep during this knockout of a docudrama, then you're missing some of the most explosive acting you'll see all year. Frank Langella is remarkable playing Tricky Dick, trying to make a comeback and wash away the stench of Watergate and stay one step ahead of Frost and his crew. Michael Sheen is excellent as Frost, trying to make a big score from the Nixon interviews, mainly his reputation as more than a British playboy/talk show host. Oliver Platt and Sam Rockwell are excellent, each reporter out for blood.

7. Changeling - Even at the age of 78, Clint Eastwood can still pack one hell of an emotional punch. His new movie is based on a true story about Christine Collins' crusade to find her son who had gone missing. Her journey would unravel the LAPD's system of corruption, circa 1928, and their disturbing methods to silence anyone who would dare challenge them. Angelina Jolie is phenomenal, portraying the strength and heartache in Collins' struggle to discover the truth about her son's disappearance. And Eastwood, once again, creates a crime drama blistering with intensity that makes it nearly impossible to turn away.

8. Vicky Cristina Barcelona - Confession: i've never seen a Woody Allen movie before watching this hilarious and bittersweet comedy-drama about two female friends Vicky (Rebbecca Hall) and Cristina (Scarlett Johansson) spending the summer in Barcelona, Spain. Fans of Allen's dialogue will love Oscar-winner Javier Bardem and Oscar-nominee Penelope Cruz trading off his unique and delicious Allen-isms in Spanish. Speaking of Oscars, Cruz will get the golden statue for her funny and heartbreaking turn as Maria Elena, Juan Antonio's ex-wife filled with passion that's untamed and inner sorrow that's unable to heal. She's funny and devastating all at once.

9. Australia - Baz Luhrmann's romantic epic about a Brit snob (Nicole Kidman) coming to Australia to take over his deceased husband's cattle ranch and falling in love with a hardened cowboy (a suave and sexy Hugh Jackman) is ambitious. The size, scope, look and feel scream Gone With the Wind and Casablanca all at once. Mind you, he doesn't totally pull it off (clocks in at nearly three hours, and do we really need the chorus of "Over the Rainbow" at every damn tear-jerking moment?) but at least the man has ambitions and the stones to see it through, something that's missing in most movies these days. You can take Australia as a cliched-riddled knockoff to romantic epics of the past. Or you look at it as a gorgeous and vividly beautiful love letter to an age of filmmaking long since forgotten, disguised as a tribute to Luhrmann's native land. I'll take the latter.

10. Iron-Man - Sure, this was the year of the Joker and The Dark Knight, but there's little denying that Robert Downey Jr. is the comeback kid of 2008. And what a way to signal your return by playing a snarky, self-serving playboy/mercenary who gets a change of heart after one of his own weapons nearly kills him during an ambush in the Middle East. For three months in captivity, Tony Stark builds his escape: an iron suit of armor, the prototype of his greatest invention: an advanced suit of armor with the look of a insanely sexy hot red hot rod, built to destroy the weapons he had built. Iron-Man was the kick-off to an amazing summer at the movies this year, but it also had something few other movies offered this summer: heart and soul.

You know the economy's screwed when

Larry Flint of Hustler Magazine and Joe Francis, the man behind Girls Gone Wild, are asking Congress for a bailout. I wish I were making this up.

Hustler’s Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis Ask For Government Bailout Of The Adult Entertainment Industry

The $13 Billion Industry Is In No Fear Of Collapse, But Why Take Chances?

January 7, 2008 Los Angeles, CA As the 2009 AVN Adult Expo opens in Las Vegas this week, Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis and HUSTLER magazine publisher Larry Flynt are petitioning the newly convened 111th Congress to provide a financial bailout for the adult entertainment industry along the lines of what is being sought by the Big Three automakers, a spokesperson for Francis announced today.

Adult industry leaders Flynt and Francis sent a joint request to Congress asking for $5 billion in federal assistance, “Just to see us through hard times,” Francis said. “Congress seems willing to help shore up our nation’s most important businesses, we feel we deserve the same consideration. In difficult economic times, Americans turn to entertainment for relief. More and more, the kind of entertainment they turn to is adult entertainment.”

But according to Flynt the recession has acted like a national cold shower. “People are too depressed to be sexually active,” Flynt says, “This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex.”

Ironic; the men who's income relies on Jenna Haze and Daisy Marie to get on their kness and suck and fuck for money, are now on their knees, begging for money.

Merry X-Mas!

Wishing everyone a happy and safe happy holidays!

Just let MTV die, dammit!

If you're one of the big ups in MTV and you've just rapidly discovered a drop in ratings by 23% and that it's the 12-23 age group that's leaving, do you:

A. Suggest that the network cut back on the reality TV crap that's overrun the channel and go back to what made MTV a generational phenomenon....playing more music videos

or

B. Increase production of more mindless crap realty TV shows?

In a perfect world, A would be the more logical choice, but don't tell that to the executives, since they're creating more reality TV shows....sixteen to be exact.

The cabler's recent ratings declines include a 23% fourth-quarter drop in its core demo of 12- to 34-year-olds. So MTV is embarking on a major programming overhaul, with 16 new unscripted series over the next 4½ months.

The series come from high-profile producers including Sean Combs, Matt Stone & Trey Parker, Donald Trump and Nick Lachey. And they represent a major thematic shift for the channel -- more toward the meta-scripted reality of MTV's "The Hills," one of the cabler's few success stories these days.

Yes, exactly what we need: more idiotic reality TV shows that completely defeat the purpose of MTV (hint: Justin Timberlake said it during his acceptance speech at the MTV VMA's a few years ago.)

Look, some of the realty show you guys put out were great (think The Osbournes and The Real World), but you also used to play music videos 70%-90% of the time. I can't even remember the last time you guys once had a music video for any artist, rapper, or rock band on your program, for God's sake! I have to on You Tube or watch VH1 for a music video nowadays.

It looks like the executives at MTV aren't going to bother with going back to playing videos, so here's a bit of advice to the Democratic Congress in Washington D.C.: if and when MTV goes bankrupt and the execs are on their knees, begging for a bailout, laugh. Laugh long, hard, and with complete amusement. Hell, piss your pants and hold back tears from your uproarious giggle fits, then tell em to fuck off for wasting your valuable time with your plea for help. Maybe that might be the file lit under their asses to actually play some goddamned music videos for once!

A Man's Dirty Laundry

So this came to me a few weekends ago, this tale of a man's shame and guilt of cheating on his girlfriend with another woman, and for once, no songs helped me write this poem.

I woke up yelling
Threw my remote at the mirror
Couldn't bear to look at myself dead in the face
I couldn't believe what I had done
I'd stupidly fell for the passionate night
I knew was completely wrong.


The stains on the bedroom sheets
From me and my one-night lover
It might as well have been blood
Left of the scene of a murder
Or from the remains of a devastating flood.


So I'll take the dirty sheets
Over to the laundry mat
Off on Dustin and Bay
I'll be there trying to wash my sins away
I'll be there washing my shame away.

The Top 10 Dumbest Events and People in 2008 - Part Two

Here's Part II of the top 10 dumbest events and people in 2008. I'll have the full list posted at Banned and Dangerous Ministries sometime over the weekend, but for now, sit back and enjoy!

6. John Edwards & Elliot Spitzer - Every year, we get a few politicians who become the contradiction of their principles. Edwards and Spitzer are no different....well almost. The Governor of New York cheated on his significant other with the traditional prostitute, who just happened to be worth $5,000 an hour (that's not how much he got paid at the end of her services, that's how much she's receiving as long as she's with the customer!) In my opinion, if you're paying $5,000 for meaningless sex with a whore, she'd better be hotter than Angelina Jolie and Scarlett Johansson combined, so you say to yourself, 'yeah, I may be a scumbag for fucking someone that wasn't my wife, but it was worth every pleasure-filled moment.' John Edwards' offense was much worse, though: he cheated while his wife while she was in remission....during the campaign. And to cap it all off, the woman she was cheating on with isn't even that decent-looking!

At any rate, these two are class 'A' morons of the first order, and it should put the rest of these politicians who preach family values and morality on the rest of voters. You want to prove to us that you have family values? Lead by example.

7. Gov. Rod Blagojevich - To quote Thom Yorke: "You had to piss on our parade/You had to shred our perfect day." Just what the fuck were you thinking, Governor, selling off President-Elect Obama's senate seat off to the highest bidder? Dude, we just had a historic win a month ago, and before Obama can take the Oath of Office, the Repubs will try and hang your mess around his neck! Did this even cross your mind, you selfish asshole?

8. Heidi and Spencer from The Hills - They're sadly my generation's version of Bonnie and Clyde, and we owe our thanks (or our hate mail) to MTV for making this possible. How these two even became famous is about a mystery to me as how Americans could have possibly voted for George W. Bush twice. Anyway, Speidi (the combination of Heidi and Spencer) bombarded just about every gossip rag this year, from the 'OMG, did u hear wat Heidi said about LC on 'The Hills' last night?! texts and blogs we read, to their wedding, there was almost no escape from Tweedledee and Tweedledum.

9. The Republican Party - I've gotta hand it to the GOP: you guys went all out for this one. The Spears/Hilton celebrity ad? Nice. Choosing Sarah Palin as the your party's running mate? Her speech at the convention was a great work of political theater. Joe the Plumber? With the wind at your backs and a shiny object desperately needed to rally idiot America to your candidate? Well played. And as always, scaring the daylights out of Americans is always a nice touch for any party about to have their asses handed to them on a silver platter. You guys made the stupid list for one simple reason: did you honestly believe, that for one minute, playing the politics of division and fearmongering would actually work?? You should have realized two elections ago that, unless you rejected the Karl Rove-playbook of divide and conquer, you would loose in a big way come 2008. So let's give the GOP a box of chocolates and roses for not learning from their mistakes in 2006!

10. Blogs for Victory.com - Rounding out the list is a fringe right-wing website that the Count and I have monitored thought the election season.

Trust me, these guys are off their rockers. Here's a taste of some of their diatribe:

Naziism 2.0

Why A Liberal is Unpatriotic

Is the Obama Presidential Seal Illegal?

Here's the link to read more of their nonsense, and you'll see why Matt Margolis and Mark Noonan made the list.

The Top 10 Dumbest Events and People in 2008 - Part One

If you were to tell me at the beginning of the year that a black man with a shitty last name would ascend to the Oval Office, that Eli Manning would produce one of the greatest upsets in NFL history late in the fourth quarter against the Perfect Patriots in Glendale, AZ, that the Tampa Bay Rays would be the AL Champions and that the Republicans could produce a candidate dumber than both Dan Quayle and George Bush Jr., I would have looked at you like you were high on weed and blow.

All of that happened this year. Shit.

For all of the amazing moments that occured, there was a fair amount of jaw-dropping stupidity and WTF moments galore, so here's my list of the dumbest things to come out of 2008.

1. Joe the Plumber - How do you try and win over the voters of America amidst an economic meltdown of historic proportions and a desire for a change in Washington D.C.? If you're Republican Presidential Nominee John McCain, you'd probably trot out some symbol to rally the ignorant masses of redneck America and con a few independent voters into buying the symbol of the everyday American. How did this man end up as my pick for the dumbest thing to come out of the crazy year that was 2008?

First - within 24 hours of John McCain toting out Joe the Plumber at the third presidential debate, we learned that Joe wasn't really a plumber; never applied for either a plumbing license, or a apprenticeship license. Hell, his name wasn't actually Joe (his real name is Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher).

Second - despite the fact that Joe was nothing but a false symbol for McCain to trot out for the debate, the campaign still made Joe into this larger-than-life caricature/rallying cry for idiot America. They even made an ad using the famous "I am Spartacus!" phrase from Ben-Hur, with the cry of "I am Joe the Plumber!" to reel in voters. More to the point, the latest smoke-and-mirrors job the GOP pulled just goes to show that in this country, after eight years of lies and manipulations from Bush & Co., there's still a sucker born every minute.

2. The Wall Street/Economic Crisis - After the disasters in Iraq and New Orleans, after the shameful reports of torturing suspected terrorist detainees at Abu Ghraib and Guantanamo Bay, after the shocking abuses of power ranging from the nine fired U.S. Attorneys becasue they refused to be loyal to Clueless George to the NSA Wiretapping program, we didn't think this walking disaster we had to call "Mr. President" for eight years had one more giant fuck-up in him before he rode off back to the ranch in Crawford. As it turns out, he did. Our economy is in freefall, many thanks to the billions spent in fighting a meaningless war in the Middle East and Bush's 'brilliant' idea of handing out tax breaks to the wealthiest 1% of Americans. Heck of a job, Bushie!

3. Sarah Palin - To state that the Governor of Alaska is the dumbest person to be chosen as a party's running mate since Dan Quayle, would be an insult to Dan Quayle himself. John McCain's selection of Palin can be described in football terms: his hailmary pass down the endzone was throw perfectly, but the ball was knocked out of the receivers hands by the safety. We all know why this woman makes the list: the interviews she gave to Charlie Gibson and Katie Couric, her performance at the VP Debate with Vice-President-Elect Joe Biden, her shocking ignorance of the role of the Vice President, and the fact that she loves killing animals atop of a helicopter, using a high-powered rifle. The selection of Sarah Palin also outlines the complete and total cynicism dripping from the GOP: prop up a knuckle-dragging foot soldier for the extreme base of the party name, dress its puppet up as either good ol' holmetown boy or gal, and just for good measure, make the candidate of choice sound simple and stupid, and the American citizen will lap it up.

4. The Jonas Brothers - Jesus Christ. Jesus fucking Christ Almighty! Please people, quit referring the Jonas Brothers as band! They're not a fucking band, they're just product placement from Walt Disney. Real bands like Radiohead and Coldplay and Death Cab For Cutie have the following ingredients: talent (Death Cab), a sound that, although borrowed or inspired from other bands, is entirely their own (Coldplay), and strives to put out albums that are are as good, if not better, than their predecessor (Radiohead). The Jonas Brothers have none of these ingredients. They're just teeny-bopper magnets designed to suck out a twelve year old's allowance and suck out money from the ATM of mom and dad through the middle school girls of America. Where's John Lennon, Tupac and Johnny Cash when we need them the most?

5. Sandy Alderson (C.E.O., Padres) and A.J. Smith (Chargers General Manager) - what could these three geniuses have in common? Both have taken the home team Padres and Chargers from competitive playoff bound teams to a bunch of overrated athletes and ghastly, embarrassing seasons we wish, as San Diego sports fans, could forget. Both men have made boneheaded moves when it came to coaching a team.

In the case of Alderson, it was when he fired fmr. Friars skipper Bruce Bochy because he told Sandy to but out when it came to managing his team. As soon as San Diego was bounced out of the postseason to the soon-to-be World Series Champion St. Louis Cardinals in four games, Bruce was told to hit the road and brought in a yes-man in Bud Black.

With A.J. Smith, his ego fits with then Chargers head coach Marty Schottenheimer reached a fever pitch after San Diego lost a heartbreaker to no. 4 seed New England in the AFC Divisional Playoff game when Marty wanted to bring in his brother to replace Wade Philips as Defensive Coordinator instead of the awful Ted Cottrell. Marty was sacked in January of '07, and brought in a head coach who A.J. could play nice with: Norv Turner.

These two will soon share another similarity if they don't get their respective teams back on track: spots in the unemployment line.