Really, CNN?

Has it honestly been over two months since i've written anything on here? Sorry 'bout that, busy with college and whatnot. Let me make it up to you and I know you'll love this. To kick off the new year, let's file these three stories under the "WTF??" department.

The first one has to do with birds that fell dead from the sky on New Year's Eve.

Over 1,000 lifeless birds tragically fell from the sky in Beebe, Arkansas on New Year’s Eve. In an interview with AP, an expert with the state’s Livestock and Poultry Commission suggested “the flock could have been hit by lightning or high-altitude hail.” The Commission offered another sad possibility, that New Year’s Eve fireworks could have gone off near the birds and startled them so severely, that they died from stress.

Here's where the story gets freaky: 100+ miles from Beebe, Arkansas, over 100,000 fish wash up off the Arkansas river...also dead.

An Arkansas Game and Fish Commission spokesman says dead drum fish now cover a 20-mile section of the Arkansas River near Ozark.

Seven teams from the state agency visited the affected portion of the river Friday. Commission spokesman Keith Stephens says an official estimate of how many fish have died is expected on Monday, but he tells the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette that the number is likely in the hundreds of thousands.

The commission determined the fish died in the river from a dam near Ozark to a bridge along State Highway 109 near Clarksville.

Many people believe that this is all just coincidence, and it probably is. But some have taken to Twitter and other social networking sites and see the dead fish washing ashore and the lifeless birds falling from the sky as sign of the coming End Times, or Armageddon. So, naturally, the good people at CNN needed to bring on someone who could reassure that these incidents have nothing whatsoever to do with the End Times...They brought on Kirk Cameron. No, i'm not kidding. They actually brought on Kirk Cameron.

Why Kirk Cameron, you ask? You see, Kirk turned away from drug addiction during the success of the hit TV sitcom Growing Pains and became a born-again Evangelical Christian, and recently he has been working tirelessly to disprove the theory of Evolution, so the suits at CNN thought they would get him on and either one of two tings would happen: he would call B.S. on these supposed "signs", or go completely batshit crazy, demand that Anderson Cooper repent for his sinful lifestyle as a homosexual man, and plead with his viewers to turn to the grace of the Almighty before time runs out. Kirk Cameron wasn't biting.



The fact that CNN would even bring on the star of a famous TV show the explain why these incidents occurred - as supposed to someone who works with animals - is jaw-dropingly stupid in of itself. I would half expect Fox News to pull off this kind of stunt, but not this news network.

Restraining order!

Probably the creepiest, most disturbing piece of fan-mail i've ever encountered for a celebrity.



Who hasn't gotten through the whole thing not think, restraining order for this weirdo?
And while we're on the subject on sick, perverted people, how does a 40+ year old adult, who is a registered sex offender, nab a job as an ice cream truck driver?

Uh...what the f%@k, Virginia!?!

The month of April marks the beginning of the regular season in baseball, my birthday, and - thanks to Virgina's current governor Bob McDonnell - Confederate History Month. Yes, you read that right. Gov. McDonnell is celebrating the South plunging the nation into a war over slaves and states' rights.

WHEREAS, April is the month in which the people of Virginia joined the Confederate States of America in a four year war between the states for independence that concluded at Appomattox Courthouse; and

WHEREAS, Virginia has long recognized her Confederate history, the numerous civil war battlefields that mark every region of the state, the leaders and individuals in the Army, Navy and at home who fought for their homes and communities and Commonwealth in a time very different than ours today; and [...]

WHEREAS, this defining chapter in Virginia's history should not be forgotten, but instead should be studied, understood and remembered by all Virginians, both in the context of the time in which it took place, but also in the context of the time in which we live, and this study and remembrance takes on particular importance as the Commonwealth prepares to welcome the nation and the world to visit Virginia for the Sesquicentennial Anniversary of the Civil War, a four-year period in which the exploration of our history can benefit all;

NOW, THEREFORE, I, Robert McDonnell, do hereby recognize April 2010 as CONFEDERATE HISTORY MONTH in our COMMONWEALTH OF VIRGINIA, and I call this observance to the attention of all our citizens.

Its been a while since i've taken an American History course and i'm sure the textbooks haven't radically changed all that much (unless the Texas schoolboard has done a near-whitewash of the reasons why the Civil War Broke out, the same way they blanked out Thomas Jefferson for Christian icon John Calvin); I understand why it is required studying in high school, but we never celebrated how a nation nearly tore itself apart and the blood that was shed becasue of fundamental differences.

What's worse is that the main reason why both sides engaged in the first place - the beleif that Southern States had the right to own other human beings for back-breaking labor - according to McDonnell, slavery wasn't the biggest issue that caused a Union to split in two and put the nation through four years of intense combat and bloodshed.

McDonnell said Tuesday that the move was designed to promote tourism in the state, which next year will mark the 150th anniversary of the start of the war. McDonnell said he did not include a reference to slavery because "there were any number of aspects to that conflict between the states. Obviously, it involved slavery. It involved other issues. But I focused on the ones I thought were most significant for Virginia."

The issue of slavery wasn't merely an issue that led to the Civil War: It was the only thing.
Its the reason why young men, on both sides, fought in the battle of Gettysberg and died.
Its the reason why the Confederacy broke away from the Union.
I would ask what the fuck is wrong with the fuck is wrong with this governor, but that was before I found out two revealing facts about McDonnell:
1. He went to Regent University (aka: Pat Robertson's school of duh), and we all know that school's track record on their former law studensts.
2. His thesis, entitled The Republican Party's Vision for the Family: The Compelling Issue of The Decade.

At age 34, two years before his first election and two decades before he would run for governor of Virginia, Robert F. McDonnell submitted a master's thesis to the evangelical school he was attending in Virginia Beach in which he described working women and feminists as "detrimental" to the family. He said government policy should favor married couples over "cohabitators, homosexuals or fornicators." He described as "illogical" a 1972 Supreme Court decision legalizing the use of contraception by unmarried couples.

So allow me to rephrase my question: Virginia, why the fuck would you elect someone like this!?

Girls, don't do this!!

This is, perhaps, the strangest thing i've heard of in the month of February: women adding tiny beaded crystals to spruce up the vagina. No, I am not making this up.

Vajazzling is a burgeoning beauty treatment, popular with celebs and kinky Martha Stewart-ites alike, that involves ladies bedazzling their freshly waxed lady parts just as they would their neato neckerchiefs or fancy fannypacks – with tiny, magical crystals.

So women aren’t just obsessively coiffing their “areas” to look like pre-teen Barbies – they’re now glue-sticking Barbie’s earrings down below, too?

What the hell? If you really want to impress us "down there" then just keep it odor-free, neat, and tidy. Trim it if you want; going bald is a plus in my book. Just don't bling-out your lady parts. If there are two things that don't need the sparkle treatment, its blood-sucking vampires (I'm talking to you, Edward Cullen!) and a woman's privates.