July Nights

Movie, best: I've never said this about any Harry Potter movie (even with Cuaron's Prisoner of Azkaban) but the film's sixth installment, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, has me saying the following: a sure-fire contender for Best Picture come award season. Yes, I mentioned a Harry Potter movie and Oscar in the same sentence, but this isn't the rantings of a Potter-head. Watch cinematographer Bruno Debonnel work pure magic with light and scenery that captures the bleak atmosphere surrounding Hogwarts, the magical world and Harry's as well; listen to composer Nicholas Hooper's haunting and achingly beautiful score; Look at how visual effects supervisors Tim Burke and Tim Alexander use eye-popping and gorgeous visual effects to contribute to telling the story and not merely using the imagery as a crutch to lean on; witness Tom Felton dig deep to find sympathy for the devil's servant in Draco Malfoy in which he is recited by Lord Voldemort to perform an act that will break his soul, or the madness and seductive nature of Helena Bonham Carter as Bellatrix Lestrange, or Alan Rickman diving into Severus Snape to the point where even his facial expressions and body gestures do more acting than any line of dialogue he can deliver; then tell me how this knockout of a fantasy drama doesn't deserve a piece of the Oscar pie.

**** stars out of ****

Comedy, laugh-out-loud: When it came to balls-to-the-wall, outrageous and downright nasty comedy, Sasha Baron Cohen is king with Bruno, the newest mocumentary from the Larry Charles, the man who helmed Borat in 2006. This time, Cohen is playing Bruno, a gay Austrian fashion critic looking for his fifteen minutes of screen time in America. Critics have said that it's like an old dog trying to wow everyone with the same trick. Fair point: Bruno is just following the same routine as Borat, which is to expose the dark side of American culture while being as outrageous and humanly possible, leaving any and all decency to the wayside. But who's to say that it's still not jaw-droppingly hilarious and an amazing trick?

***1/2 stars out of ****

Show saver, most needed: Confession: I loathe American horror movies these days. It's all formulaic, slasher/torture porn and no fun. Orphan is basically, a formulaic slasher thriller, but with one key that most horror films don't have: a villain that's completely deranged that leaves an impression on you. Ladies and gentlemen, I give Ester, easily the creepiest and baddest evil kid around the block since Damien. Isabelle Fuhrman plays the seemingly sweet and innocent nine year-old Russian orphan with menace. Her sickly smile alone can give you the willies and will have you screaming at Mom (Vera Farminga) and Dad (Peter Sarsgaard) for not realizing that Ester is one crazy bitch.

Performances, best and baddest edition: As I mentioned above, Fuhrman is delightfully evil in Orphan, but so was Bonham Carter as the sexy, demented second-in-command Bellatrix Lestrange in Half-Blood Prince. Also let me add Tom Felton's haunting work as Death Eater in-training Draco Malfoy, Alan Rickman as the sneering, shadow-dweller of Hogwarts, Severus Snape, and Adam Sandler as George Simmons, an asshole comedian with terminal cancer in Funny People. This July, my attention was on the bad guys, and boy they were so good to watch.

June Nights

Movie, best: The Hangover. What do a baby, a missing tooth, A Chinese gangster, a stripper/escort, a tiger and Mike Tyson have to do with best friends Phil (Bradley Cooper) and Stu (Ed Helms of The Daily Show fame), and the groom's brother, Alan (Zach Galifianakis)? Plenty, as it turns out, but i'm no snitch. All I can tell you is that The Hangover is summer's best comedy and an instant comedy classic. Galifianakis steals the show as the oddball of the four that head to Vegas for a bachelor party these boys won't forget. That is, if they can remember what the hell happened, find the groom after losing him to a wild night, and come back home in time for his wedding.

*** 1/2 stars out of ****

Movie, worst: I love mindless, stupid action movies. I praised Micheal Bay's work in Transformers for the charm many of the characters had, the near-perfect comic timing, and letting F/X and the action to wow us but allows us to breathe and take in who's fighting who. All of this is chucked out the window by Bay with Revenge of the Fallen, a loud, dumb, violent, racist, and misogynistic spectacle that makes you wonder how in the hell this POS even got made (hint - guys like me and you who made the first Transformers movie a hit). All the charm and teenage awkwardness that Shia LeBeouf showed as Sam Witwicky was sorely lacking. The comedic timing from John Tuturro as Simmons is forced and embarrassing. The Autobots and Decepticons - from the way they transform to how they fight - becomes unexciting to watch. And don't even get me started on Skids and Mudflap....
* 1/2 stars out of ****

Runner-up, godawful: My Sister's Keeper has got to be the most shameless tearjerker that forces you to cry, damnit, cry! This family is being torn apart by the youngest daughter's (Abagail Breslin) decision to sue mommy (Cameron Diaz, in total bitch mode) for emancipation for medical needs becasue she wants to take her kidney away and give it to her dying sister (Sofia Vassilieva) with lymphatic cancer! Squirting any tears yet? I didn't think so. This is a film for the Lifetime channel, not the big screen.

* star out of ****

Surprise, biggest: I walked into The Proposal with low expectations and to get the stench of Revenge of the Fallen off of me. I left with a smile on my face. It's a predictable romcom where the leads get together in the end. What works are the insane mishaps along the way. Margret (Sandra Bullock) bribes his assistant, Andrew (Ryan Reynolds) into marrying her, then getting divorced in order to keep her place as a publisher in Manhattan. You should know what comes next, they meet the parents in the quintessential small town where, in the next few days, shit gets blown out of proportion before the wedding. For what it's worth, Renyolds and Bullock milk it for what it's worth. The jokes don't always stick, but when they do, a big grin will be slapped upon your face.

** 1/2 stars out of ****

Acting, best: Betty White as the crazy grandma in The Proposal. Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds had chemistry on-screen, but the 87 year-old best known for her work on Golden Girls steals the show from under the leads. Runner up is Sofia Vassilieva as the cancer-stricken older sister in My Sister's Keeper. I hated the film, but the movie's one star is for her tender and heartfelt performance, that even the filmmakers couldn't sully.

Harry Potter and the Oscar Season.....er, I mean Half-Blood Prince

Die-hard HP fans are steamed that Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, the sixth of J.K. Rowling's books to be filmed, made many drastic cuts in translation. The fight scene between members of the Order and Lord Voldemort's Death Eaters at the top of the tower at Hogwarts? Poof. The sessions between Dumbledore and Potter diving into select memories to learn about the boy who would become Voldemort? Boiled down to two and a half memories. Let them bitch and moan. This new installment is quite simply, a triumph. The line between family entertainment and brooding fantasy drama is blurred. You're not sure if the young ones, or you, can sit through this delicious, dialogue driven plot and storyline without going to sleep.

Stick with it. The reward is an emotionally satisfying, occasionally hilarious, and hypnotic, haunting drama that earns the Oscar buzz its been receiving. This year, Harry (Daniel Radcliffe) is ordered by Dumbleore (Michael Gambon) to cozy up to an old colleague, Horace Slughorn (the brilliant Jim Broadbent) in order to coax an important memory of him and young Tom Riddle. The love bug has bitten Ron Weasly (Rupert Grint) and its Lavender Brown (a hilarious Jessie Cave) who makes Won-Won his personal sex slave, much to the jealousy and heartbreak of Hermione (Emma Watson). Kidding about the sex part, though there is innuendo in one scene that's sure to cover a few youngling's eyes from the 'rents. And Draco Malfoy (Tom Felton) is given a mission by the Dark Lord that could destroy his soul. Why does he continue to return to some old wardrobe every night, what his actual mission is, and why Severus Snape (Alan Rickman is amazing) continues to watch over Malfoy, i'll never tell.

Yes, I said Oscar buzz earlier on...hell, the title of my post suggests that Mr. Potter could make some serious noise in the awards season. Watch cinematographer Bruno Delbonnel work with a poet's eye for capturing the breaching darkness. Listen to composer Nicholas Hooper's beautiful, and haunting score that's sure to put a chill down your spine. Look at how visual effects supervisors Tim Burke and Tim Alexander blend in eye-poping effects (the scene in the cave with Harry and Dumbledore is frighting and spectacular) to move the story along and not merely use it as a crutch. Listen to Steve Kloves' potent screenplay, who remains faithful to Rowling's vision and brings all of the author's themes - life, love, friendship, heartbreak, and death - onto the screen and does it so seamlessly, that nothing is lost in translation from page to screen. And witness all the actors excell, particularly Broadbent and Rickman who practically steal every scene they're in. Watch all that and then tell me that Half-Blood Prince doesn't deserve a piece of the Oscar pie.

At this point, I can honestly say, with no ego, that no other movie this summer will match the magical spell that director David Yates has cast upon the multiplexes. For the longest time, I've waited for the Potter film to transcend from merely solid adaptations into artistic and soul-reaching films. With the Half-Blood Prince, after six films, the wait is over. If this is any indication of what Yates has up his sleeve, the watching the film's two part-finale, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows (film one due out November 2010, and film two July 2011) then by the end, Harry Potter will be seeing gold statuettes by the handfuls for the next two to three years.

**** stars out of ****

And I thought Revenge of the Fallen was the summer's worst movie

Remember when I dubbed Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen as the summer's worst movie? Well, Michael Bay has been dethroned by director Nick Cassavetes (the man who spawned The Notebook) and his attempt to take an ethical premise and make it a shameless, overdone, made-for-TV family melodrama that demands you cry and sniffle at ever turn.

My Sister's Keeper starts off with one of the most disgusting and heartless concepts i've heard in a while: Sarah (Cameron Diaz) and Brian (Jason Patric) Fitzgerald's daughter, Kate (Sofia Vassilieva) has leukemia, and neither parent have the DNA strands to keep their daughter alive. Their solution? Conceive a child that can be a living, one-stop shop for all of her needs. A bone marrow? Low blood cell count? No problem, just have Anna (Abagail Breslin) donate her bodily functions to her ailing sis.

Fast forward - Kate is 15, dying, and in need of a kidney. Anna is 11 and has had enough of giving up her life to save her sister's at mother's request, so she hires an attorney (Alec Baldwin, what the hell are you doing in this picture?!) to sue Sarah for emancipation for medical needs and all hell breaks loose for the Fitzgerald clan. Did I mention, they also have a son, Jesse (Evan Ellingson), who walks around like he doesn't exist to the family?

Will Anna win her case? Will Sarah be able to talk to her youngest into giving up her only kidney? Will the family ever be able to go back to being happy? By then, the only question you'll want answered is when this movie will end. For two hours, Cassavetes bombards you with overblown dramatic scenes that begs you to shed a tear, dab you eyes with a box of Kleenex, bawl hysterically, but cry damn it, cry! Instead of reaching for the next unused piece of tissue, My Sister's Keeper made me pull out my phone every seven minutes to check how long this film would drag on.

Instead of feeling for the characters, just about all of them pissed me off. Diaz's Sarah was the most disgusting, devolving into a cold and uncaring bitch who shrugs off Anna's and Jessie's lives to save another. Patric's Brian is distant and in once scene, doesn't even notice that his son has been out all night and has just come home. Alec Baldwin has demonstrated he's got solid dramatic chops before (see The Cooler and The Departed), but he's been reduced to cheezy courtroom showboating. Even Breslin's performance as Anna, as hard as she tries, falls flat.

The saving grace is Vassilieva, the one character even the filmmakers can't sully. She gives the movie its few touching moments - a day at the beach, the flashbacks with her cancer-stricken boyfriend (Thomas Dekker) - but its too little and too late. My Sister's Keeper, an ethical family drama that's supposed to make you weepy and uplifted, but in the end, you'll leave without feeling a thing.

* star out of ***

Transformers: The Worst Movie of the Summer

The good news: Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen doesn't totally suck. The F/X department went all out on the look of the battling alien robots, the Decepticons (the baddies) and the Autobots (them's the good guys); they even brought in some new characters. Megatron - voiced by the great Hugo Weaving (Mr. Smith of The Matrix trilogy) - gets more screen time. And director Michael Bay knows how to put together an amazing spectacle of shit blowing up. He's like a kid who's been given the keys to a toy store, allowing imagination to run wild with ecstasy.

The bad news: Revenge of the Fallen wasn't very good, either. The charm that Shia LeBouf had in the first movie as the bumbling award teenager, Sam, is absent from the picture; along with the comic timing of Sam's parents (the 'family discussion' about Sam supposedly beating off in the first Transformers movie would do the writers of American Pie proud). That feeling in sharing Bay's excitement and kid-like, starry eyed wonder in the first blockbuster hit has turned his marvelous creations into a head-pummeling madhouse of horrors where things are constantly being destroyed for the sake of destroying. Even John Tuturro, back portraying his role as Simmons, who took the lines that were given and turned them into sheer delight and near-perfect comic timing, looks tired and embarrassed to be in this mess.

Revenge of the Fallen sends Sam Witwicky to college, departed from his hottie girlfriend, Mikaela (Megan Fox) and his Chevy Camero/Autobot guardian, Bumblebee, while Optimus Prime and the rest of the Autobots forge a alliance with the U.S. military to hunt down the remaining Decepticons. The 'plot' - you really can't call this horseshit of a script from Robert Orci and Alex Kurtzman, who penned May's stellar reboot of Star Trek - takes Sam, Mikaela, and the Autobots to Egypt to stop the Decepticons from finding an ancient device that can power another ancient device that can destroy the sun and harvest the lifeforce of the alien robots. You buying any of this crap? Didn't think so.

To paraphrase Peter Travers, movie critic of Rolling Stone Magazine - "Revenge of the Fallen has everything. Everything loud, dumb, violent, racist, and misogynistic that director Michael Bay can think of puking up onscreen." The action sequences serve little purpose but to leave a trail of destruction an becomes stale and unoriginal. Bay's movies aren't know for its solid acting chops, which I have come to accept, but this time 'round was so hollow and emotionless that it makes bay's other disasters - the insulting Pearl Harbor and the appalling Armageddon - look like they have been robbed by members of the Academy.

Fox was sizzling in the first Transformers flick, but was never cheapened to porn star status. Her, and Isabelle Lucas - a college student with the hots for Sam and a wicked tongue - could have been replaced by adult film stars Jenaveve Jolie and Jenna Haze and you wouldn't be able to tell the difference.

And the shameless, ignorant black stereotypes portrayed in Autobot newbies Skids and Mudflap (get this - both are illiterate, both love talkin' jive and street, and one of them have a golden front tooth) almost made me hang my head in embarrassment of the spectacle that was taking place in front of the screen. You can hear Bay shouting to the cast and crew: "Hey, more explosions! Megan, show a little more ass, toots! Shia, Josh [Dumael], and Tyrese [Gibson], less dialogue, more yelling you're lines! Megan, what did I tell you? Less talky, more jiggling your tits! And where the fuck are the explosions I asked for?! This is what my audience wants to see!"

There's still a long ways to go before the Razzies, but I won't be surprised if Revenge of the Fallen leads in all major categories in the end. It's Michael Bay at his worst, only this time dragging Spielberg (executive producer) and his kick-ass alien robots with him thought the grime and cow shit.

Ok, I take it back. Transformers 2 really did suck.

* 1/2 stars out of ****

May Nights

Movies, Best: It's a no brainer. Star Trek, a movie franchise thought to be left for dead after the fiasco that was Star Trek Nemisis and the atrocious TV show prequel Star Trek Enterprise rises from the ashes to provide the film to beat this summer at the movies. All the actors excel, notably Chris Pine capturing the swagger and charm of Captain Kirk, Eric Bana as Nero the Romulan villain with an ax to grind against the Federation, Simon Pegg is a gut buster as Montgomery Scott; but the scene stealer is Zackery Quinto as Spock. From the pointy ears right down to the first officer's actions, he scores every scene he's in. But the real credit goes to director J.J. Abrams (Mission: Impossible 3) for injecting explosive action, humor and heart into a franchise who's best days (The Wrath of Khan, First Contact) seemed long behind them.
*** 1/2 stars our of ****

Up: Let's get to the obvious - the wizards at Pixar are to movies and animation what Radiohead is to rock-and-roll, and music in general: neither have put out a godawful piece of shit; even the weaker works (A Bug's Life, Cars, and Monsters Inc. for Pixar; Amnesiac and Pablo Honey for the Oxford quintet) stand alone as a unique work of art. Does Up stand with works like Toy Story, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Ratatouille, and last year's WALL-E? Hard to tell. But Up is one of the funniest - and most poignant works the animation company has made. You can feel the love between Carl (a superb Ed Asner) and his sweetheart Elle even from the time they first met. The opening sequence that takes the lovers from childhood to marriage to Elle's death is a whirlwind of joy and pain and is a study of undying love that has never flamed out. It's one of the most moving scenes in years and is more real than the forced charm tossed out in movies these days (yes, Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart, i'm talking to you). And the rest of the movie doesn't miss a comic beat.
*** 1/2 stars out of ****

Disappointing, most: X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Talk about a huge let down. What was supposed to be the balls-to-the-wall, sucker-punch kickoff to the summer movie season left me feeling cold and betrayed. Hugh Jackman, back as mutant with the killer claws keeps intact the humor and the badassery status he earned throughout all the X-Men movies, but it's still not enough to overcome a bland script meant to excite, intrigue and tie up all lose ends, which instead confuses (Wolverine and Sabertooth are brothers?!). Wolverine is a clear demonstration of two things: that too much can be a bad thing (see Pirates of the Caribbean, The Matrix, and High School Musical) and as kickass Logan is, he still needs the rest of the X-Men at his side.
** stars our of ****

Surprise, biggest: Spock returns! No, not Quinto. Lenord Nimoy playing Spock in Star Trek. Confused? Don't be. just sit back and be amazed. Not to be outdone, the Governator returns to the screen as the Terminator?! OK, it was a CG Arnold, but it still was cool to watch him throw Christian Bale around like a rag doll in Terminator Salvation.

Performances, best: The cast of Star Trek. Not a weak performance from any of the leads and supporting actors. Everyone from Chris Pine, to Bruce Greenwood as Captain Pike to John Cho (yes, Jon Cho from the Harold and Kumar movies) as Commander Sulu to Winona Ryder (WTF?!) playing Spock's mother, everyone has a chance to shine and everyone is dynamite. Runner-up is also a surprise: Porn queen Sasha Grey as a Manhattan call girl in Steven Soderbergh The Girlfriend Experience. As good as Grey was, it has been reported that the 21 year-old porno actress has plans to keep doing movies and continue to have sex for the camera. Take that, Hannah Montana!


Underrated, highly: Angels and Demons. Lost in the Wolverine, Star Trek and Terminator shuffle is a thrilling, faced-paced sequel to the 2006 blockbuster The DaVinci Code, that never lets up. Director Ron Howard and star Tom Hanks, reprising his role as Harvard symbologist Robert Langdon caught a log of flak from the critics last time around: DaVinci was too talkative and too boring and Hank's haircut sucked. This time Hanks ditches the hair-don't and Howard moves at a faster, edgier pace. The plot is a mess (Langdon returns to Rome to stop the Catholic Church's old enemy, the Illuminati, from using the stolen antimatter from blowing Vatican City to Kingdom Come, but the group has infiltrated the walls of the Vatican and everyone is suspect. Huh?), but the action sizzles and the actors are solid, particularly from Ewan McGregor as Father Patrick McKenna. It may be more religious psychobabble, but its still a great time even if Star Trek and Up are sold out at the box office.
*** stars our of ****

June Nights at the Movies

Finally, summer movies get really good. After the lackluster and somewhat disappointing start to the 2008 summer movie season, Hollywood cranks out some goodies to salivate over and over again. here's the list of the great, the awful, and the toss-ups I saw in the month of June.

Movie, best: Wall-E - Leave it to Pixar to show everyone else up when it comes to making a work of art in a summer movie season that beats the drums of mediocrity. Pixar has given us memorable movies - from Toy Story, to Finding Nemo, to last year's classic Ratatouille - but once again, they have outdone themselves yet again in this tale of a robot who's job it is to clean up after mankind leaves Earth after the mess it's made. Part heartwarming love story (the relationship between Wall-E and another robot named EVE), part optimistic dystopian story, part ode to classic sci-fi tales such as Kubrick's 2001: A Space Odyssey and Lucas's Star Wars, all 100% masterpiece from Disney/Pixar, and the best film so far this year.
**** stars out of ****

Movie, worst: The Happening - Remember awhile back when I said that M. Night Shyamalan was back after Lady in the Water? Turns out he wasn't. I've defended Shyamalan thought most of his career, but after this wannabe version of Hitchcock's The Birds, i'm beginning to believe that maybe he's just a one trick pony who quickly running out of tricks. The Happening has a promising opening and an idea: the eastern seaboard is hit by an environmental event in which plants release toxins that make people commit mass suicide. Unfortunately, from there, Shyamalan resorts to using the same old tricks he's used in past movies: philosophical metaphors, focusing on troubled characters, etc. It's such a shame to watch great actors in Mark Walberg and Zooey Deschanel drag in M. Night's hit-and miss disturbing eco-thriller (disturbing in the methods of how people kill themselves), but even more shameful to watch this once talented filmmaker resort himself to making shit like this.
* star out of ***

Surprise, biggest: The Incredible Hulk - Unlike The Happening which I had high hopes for, I thought this new version of 2003's boring Hulk would be a total suck-fest. But it turns out that a new director (Louis Letterier in place of Ang Lee), and a new lead actor (the great Ed Norton in place of Eric Bana as Dr. Bruce Banner and his mean, green killing machine alter ego) was just what the doctor ordered. Banner's trying to find a cure for his exposure to high levels of gamma rays, while trying to stay a step ahead of the U.S. military who'll stop at nothing to capture him and use him as a weapon for the government. Tim Roth is great as Blonsky, the militarist who wants to use Bruce's power for his own ends, Liv Tyler does the cliched loved interest and loyal partner well as Betsy Ross, Bruce's dream girl, and William Hurt is excellent as Betsy's bastard father/general who's willing to put her own daughter in prison for aiding Banner. The action sequences are exciting, but not thrilling where you actually fear a green monster and his evil arch nemesis, The Abomination, clash and create havoc and destruction over New York City. When it's all said and done though, Incredible Hulk delivers the goods, which is more than I could say for The Happening.
*** stars out of ****

Comedy Wars: Who Lost? With movies like Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Knocked Up and Superbad, and the upcoming Pineapple Express, Judd Apatow is the newly appointed comedy czar. But this month, his status has been knocked down a tad, thanks in part to him helping pen the awful Israeli/Palestinian parody, You Don't Mess With the Zohan. Apatow and Adam Sandler have a funny premise: an Israeli soldier fakes his own death in order to fulfill his dream of becoming a hair stylist in NYC. His chance comes when takes a hair styling job in.....a Palestinian-owned hair shop. Funny idea, would make for some great geopolitical humor, but the jokes just don't stick to you. That, and the script relies on too many sex jokes involving Sandler's Zohan giving old ladies happy endings. And will somebody please tell that unfunny douche Rob Schnider to quit starring in movies, for God's sake?
* 1/2 stars out of ****

Comedy Wars: Who Won? Steve Carell wins this round. His portrayal of bumbling field analyst-turned spy Maxwell Smart in Get Smart works like a charm. So what if the action falls flat at times? Carell, backed up by the lovely Anne Hathaway as femme fatal Agent 99 and (suprise!) Dwayne Johnson as Smart's friend, Agent 23, make up for it in strides of laughter and slapstick comedy.
*** stars our of ****
Runner up is another surprise: Jack Black voicing Po in Kung-Fu Panda. Sure the message of believing in yourself and you can overcome any obstacle is as old as time, but Black delivers the funny in almost every scene he's in. Add to it, wonderful martial-arts action sequences and colorful, lively animation makes tis family film a winner.
*** stars out of ***

The Happening Or: What the Fuck M. Night Shyamalan?

I loved the idea of M. Night Shyamalan making his first R-rated movie, hated the piss-poor execution. Loved his premise (a catastrophic and unexplainable event in nature where people on the Eastern seaboard begin to commit mass suicide), hated how it went nowhere. Loved Oscar nominee Mark Walberg (The Departed) and cutie Zooey Deschanel (Almost Famous), hated how their roles were wasted. Loved how M. Night was going to shock us with the methods of suicide, hated how that became one sick gimmick thought the movie. And on it goes. To be fair, The Happening wasn't as terrible as Lady in the Water (I still can't get over how he roped poor Paul Giamatti into that mess), but he didn't do himself any favors by trying to make this environmental horror flick into the 21st century's version of The Birds. I am a huge fan of M. Night's work and I even defended him for The Village, but i'm beginning to think that critics might be right about Shyamalan being a one-trick pony who's running out of tricks. The sad part is that he's talented and a better filmmaker than this. I remember when his movies scared the shit out of an audience; when he used tense moments to build on our growing mounting fears. By the time I left The Happening, the question on my mind wasn't how we have taken this planet for granted, but how could Shyamalan continue to keep making movies like this?
*1/2 stars out of ****

May Nights At The Movies

The May movie lineup to this season's summer movie season may have as well been a time for audiences to play catchup with their favorite characters. Some of them we have welcomed back with open arms, others we kinda wished we haven't seen again. Yet, the stand out has been.....Robert Downey, Jr.? And I fall in love with Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda?! Stranger things have happened I guess.

Movie, best: Iron-Man - Robert Downey, Jr's Tony Stark shows up Speed Racer, the Pensive Kids, and Indiana Jones on how to make an entertaining, popcorn flick and still have plenty of heart. And let's not forget the great Jeff Bridges as Obediah, Stark's back-door dealing partner who never met a murderous Al-Qaeda wannabe group he didn't like. He damn-near steals the film from Downey Jr.
***1/2 stars out of ****

Movie, worst: What Happens In Vegas - Not just the worst movie i've seen in May, it's the worst movie i've seen so far this year. Watching Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz make utter fools of themselves as two strangers who enjoy one drunken night in Sin City which results in the two of them getting hitched was just so hard to sit through, even with a running time of 99 minutes. Even more shocking is that people find a story about stupid people stooping to childish lengths to reclaim a check for $3 million in Vegas to be funny. Oy vey.
Zero stars out of ****

Disappointing, biggest: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - I was somewhat reluctant of giving Narnia another shot after 2005's overrated and candy-assed The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. And after 143 minutes with Caspian, I doubt i'm signing up for Voyage of the Dawn Treader due out May 2010. It's nice how the filmmakers made this a darker, violent Narina movie, and how they give the Pensive Kids more depth from the last movie, but once again director Andrew Adamson takes a hat-in-hand approach to C.S. Lewis's epic series and finds a way of making them into a wannabe Lord of the Rings lite family movie without the heart. By the time the final battle rolls around and the action really picks up steam, it's too little and too late: you leave the theater and you don't feel a thing.
**1/2 stars out of ****

Underrated, seriously: Speed Racer - Critics jumped on the Wachowski Brother's latest groundbreaking as too much color, too little character depth, wafer-thin plot and too long of a sit for the tykes at 135 minutes. Know what? That's the whole point. Speed wasn't watched in the 60's for those reasons. It was made to entertain, and in that regard, it does it's job. Emile Hirsch, Matthew Fox, and company keep the action and the fun coming, and the visuals are drop-dead gorgeous, although your eyes might wear out from the bombardment of the parade of colors Andy and Larry throw out there. Here's a tip for watching this movie: let it all wash over you, and you'll have a great time.
*** stars out of ****

surprise, biggest: Sex and the City - I kid you not. This young, adult male fell in love with Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte. And I'm not ashamed of it, either. The dialogue is sharp and witty, and the four leading ladies (Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattral, Cyntia Nixon, and Christen Davis) give solid performances. Peter Travers asked guys to "Stop resisting this movie. You just might learn something." Good advice.
*** stars out of ****

Welcome back, accepted: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Even at age 66, Harrison Ford proves he's still got it. As Indiana Jones, he rarely misses a beat of the archaeologist/professor. This time, he's off to find and return a crystal skull that will grant the returner the ability to control minds, before the Soviets get a hold of it first. Shia LeBeouf tags along as Mutt, as well as Cate Blanchette as the villain. Steven Speilberg and George Lucas do a great job at keeping the film nostalgic, yet new and exciting at the same time.
*** stars out of ****

2008 Summer Movie Preview - Part Two

Here's the long-awaited second installment of the good, the bad, and the blah that major movie studios will cram down our throats this summer. Enjoy!

July Movies:

Hancock (July 2) - Look, up in the sky! It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s…..Will Smith as superhero/alcoholic Hancock who’s hated by everyone in L.A.! Think of this as The Incredibles, but with a darker, comedic twist. As with I Am Legend, Bad Boys II, Shark Tale, and just about every other movie he’s starred in, look for him to make a killing at the box office.

Hellboy II: The Golden Army (July 11) - Rumor has it after the critical acclaim for 2006’s Pan’s Labyrinth, director Guillermo del Toro turned down directing Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince to helm the second Hellboy movie (the job was awarded back to David Yates who did Order of the Phoenix). Bummer. He would have shot the hell out of that movie, but I digress. Ron Perlman returns as the bright-red demon ready to take on more demon-monsters. Not much is known about this sequel but if you’ve watched Pan’s Labyrinth, then you’ll know that moviegoers are in for a visual treat.

Meet Dave (July 11) – Here it is, folks: the grade ‘A’ pile of crap in an otherwise impressive resume of potential summer blockbusters. Eddie Murphy plays – wait till you hear this – an alien starship in the form of a human being which crews miniature aliens. Does this sound even remotely interesting to you? Worst of all, it’s directed by Brian Robbins, the man who unleashed 2007’s most offensive, mean-spirited comedy, Norbit. Stay away…stay far away from this mess.

The Dark Knight (July 18) - The movie event I have been personally waiting for. Director Christopher Nolan, who added soul and a darker presence in 2005’s Batman Begins, is back at the helm, along with the underrated Christian Bale as the Caped Crusader. What’s in store for Bruce Wayne this time? Two new foes; the first being Rachel Doss’ (now played by Maggie Gyellenhaal) new lover and district attorney for Gotham Harvey Dent (Aaron Eckhart), the other, a psychotic serial-killing clown, Joker (played by the late, great Heath Ledger). A new Batsuit, the Batpod, and in IMAX theatres, four action scenes, all scream awesome but the attraction is Ledger, both his passing in January and his performance which critics are calling Oscar-caliber. A fitting tribute to one of our generation’s finest actors who left us too soon.

The X-Files: I Want to Believe (July 25) - What paranormal mystery will FBI agents Mulder (David Duchovny) and Scully (Gillian Anderson) uncover this time? Chris Carter, the director and co-writer of this sequel, as well as the show’s creator, will never tell. So why should we give a damn? The show ended six years ago and the last movie was a decade ago. Because it’s the return of Mulder and Scully, two of the 90’s most memorable TV icons, that’s why!

August Movies:

Pineapple Express (August 8) – You can add Seth Rogen – yes, Seth Rogen – to the growing list of actors who will be kicking some butt this summer for our viewing pleasure. He and James Franco are two stoners who are after a new form of marijuana called Pineapple Express; unfortunately they are witnesses to a murder by the hands of a corrupt cop and are on the run. The Apatow team, who created last summer’s Superbad, is involved in the reefer madness. A bit of advice: If you want to know how funny this black stoner action/comedy is, watch the red-band trailer on You Tube.

Tropic Thunder (August 15) – The fact that Iron Man’s Robert Downey Jr. is playing a multiple Oscar-winning actor Aussie who had his skin surgically pigmented to play an African-American Marine in the jungles of Vietnam, shows that either this will be this summer’s most outrageous piece of satirical filmmaking, or the most offensive. Ben Stiller returns to the director’s chair (Zoolander) to take aim at the absurdity of the movie business, dealing with three ego-driven actors – Tug Speedman (Stiller), Jeff “Fats” Portnoy (Jack Black), and Kirk Lazarus (Downey Jr.) - driven to make a serious war film about the Vietnam War, only to be fighting real guerilla warfare as the shoot progresses.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars (August 15) - Remember when George Lucas said he'd quit making epic space operas in a galaxy far, far away after Revenge of the Sith? Well, he's come back after prettyboy Hayden Chirstensen burned to a near-cinder and donned the mask of baddie Darth Vader, to bridge together Attack of the Clones and Sith. Good news is that Lucas wisely stayed away from the director's chair and from screenwriting duties. Bad news is that I still wouldn't pay money to watch this.

2008 Summer Movie Preview - Part One

From comic book superheroes and children’s literature to the return of Indiana Jones and Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda, this summers batch of popcorn sequels, comedies, family films, and superhero movies are sure to get us Mustangs talking over the summer. Here’s the guide to what’s great, what’s godawful, and what’s on the fence this summer at the movies.

May Movies:

Iron Man (May 2) - Critics and audiences are in love with Robert Downey Jr.’s performance as the iron-clad Marvel superhero. As well they should -- he gives Iron Man and his alter ego, multi-billionaire defense contractor Tony Stark, a soul. Not to mention that the movie jump-stars a sluggish movie season so far with guns a-blazing. This adaptation of a Marvel Comic book raked in over $100 million + in it’s opening weekend, meaning this has to be entertaining as hell.

Speed Racer (May 9) - The Wachowski Brothers are back behind the director’s chair, and this time, they’re doing….a family film!? The same duo that gave us The Matrix trilogy and V For Vendetta are going family friendly on us? Only Andy and Larry could take the popular 60’s Japanese anime hit and take us on a trippy ride into a new vision of filmmaking. Problem is that the critics can’t stomach this neon-colored, CG spectacle. That, and we’ve seen this done before (hello there Sin City, hi there 300), but what’s that to stop us from watching the same technique again?

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (May 16) -The Pensive kids are back in this second adaptation of C.S. Lewis’ epic seven-part saga , only to learn that 1300 years have passed in Narnia time, and the magical land has fallen under the hands of the evil King Miraz. Newcomer Ben Barnes playing Prince Caspian will definitely have teenage girls watching, but here’s the six million-dollar question: will Andrew Adamson provide us with a darker, scarier adventure in the land of Narnia, or will it be the same candy-assed approach audiences watched the first time with The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe?

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (May 22) - The most talked-about movie coming out this summer has the most to gain and the most to lose. Can director Steven Speilberg and executive producer George Lucas craft an Indy flick that matches with Raiders of the Lost Ark? Does Harrison Ford have what it takes, at age 66, to play the famous professor/archeologist and kick some ass? Will it be the biggest hit of the summer, or will it be a huge bust? All I have to say on the matter is: in Speilbeg, I trust.

Sex and the City (May 30) - Probably the one movie every man in America will fight tooth-and-nail not to see with their wives and/or girlfriends. And who can blame them? The end of this popular HBO series should have been dealt with when Carrie fell in love with Mr. Big in Paris, but no, they had to show what happens after happily ever after…..but I digress. No matter what I, nor your boyfriends, nor the critics say, women will still see this movie and become juicy gossip the next day.

June Movies:

You Don’t Mess With the Zohan (June 6) - Like I said before, the summer movie season trots out the god-awful, steaming piles of crap, and Adam Sandler’s new slapstick comedy about a top Israeli assassin moving to the Big Apple to carry out his dream as a male hair stylist, is no exception. Don’t get me wrong, Sandler’s done great comedic work in the past (Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, Big Daddy) , but now it’s getting tiresome watching him almost virtually playing the same character he’s done for the past decade, and it’s even more painful to know that the newly-appointed comedy czar Judd Apatow had a hand in writing part of this fiasco.

The Incredible Hulk (June 13) - On one hand, Oscar-winning director Ang Lee isn’t anywhere near this sequel to the first flop continuing the saga of Bruce Banner and his alter ego, the green giant, Hulk: Loius Letterman (The Transporter) takes over the director’s chair. And Edward Norton has replaced Eric Bana as the title character. So why do I still feel this movie is going to disappoint me? I hope I’m wrong.

The Happening (June 13) - You can quote me on this one: M. Night Shyamalan is back. You remember, the guy who creeped us out with his tales of the supernatural (The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Signs) as a pathway to the soul, before he trotted out The Village and Lady in the Water? And by the looks of the trailers he’s learned his lessons from those two stinkers. His new thriller deals with a high school science teacher (Mark Walberg) running away from a environmental disaster that has human beings going mad and committing mass suicide. Strange, I know, but it’s what he does best.

The Love Guru (June 20) - You know that this movie has ‘shit’ written all over it when the fillmakers have Justin Timberlake talking and eerily looking like Borat. The pop star, along with another comedic genius, Mike Myers, and hottie Jessica Alba, are also dragged down in this mess of a movie about an American raised by gurus in India who comes home to spread his wisdom on love and relationships. Sorry, but there’s already a guru filling the position: Dr. Phil.

Get Smart (June 20) - The only thing that worries me about this remake of the 1960’s spoof TV show, is that Hollywood has a notorious record of making bad movies from television shows (Bewitched, Charlie’s Angels). Luckily, Steve Carell is playing the wannabe James Bond, Maxwell Smart. Even if this movie tanks, expect Carell to still crank out the laughs, as he did in the awful Evan Almighty. No worries here.

Wanted (June 27) - Let’s see: a fraternity of assassins killing to save the world + shitloads of gunfights + amazing action sequences + Angelina Jolie back in kinky, sexy, kick-ass and take names mode after her career-best performance as the wife of murdered journalist Daniel Pearl in A Mighty Heart = the male antidote to Sex and the City. June 27 can’t come faster enough.

WALL-E (June 27) - You can take this animated tale of a robot cleaning up after Earth becomes unlivable for humans, as the wizards at Pixar Animation Studios going political, the same way George Miller did with Happy Feet, or as the ultra-liberal Hollywood machine indoctrinating children into a far-left ideology that global warming exists, as would the Sean Hannitys and the Glenn Becks of the right-wing world will spoon-feed it‘s brain-dead listeners. Or you could accept WALL-E for what it is: another home-run hit in the making for the geniuses behind Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, and Ratatouille. Call it, friend-o.

Awsome movie posters

So I thought these were a few pretty sweet summer movie posters that I'd like to share.

The Dark Knight


This is such a badass poster. I loved what Christopher Nolan did with the Batman franchise in Batman Begins and judging from the trailer and Heath Ledger's last performance as the Joker, this will be the the movie to beat this summer.

The X-Files: I Want To Believe


To be honest, I've never really got into the adventures of Mulder and Scully hunting down aliens, but I understand that this was a phenomenon in the 90's and the poster looks really cool.

Summer Nights: The best and the worst of the '07 summer movie season

The Summer Movie Season is sadly at an end. Fall is coming, as are the fall movies and the awards season will soon be in full swing. So let us take a look back at the summer movies that we loved, hated, and enjoyed in the summer of 2007.

Overall best movie: I am giving this honor to Pixar's Ratatouille. In a season full of unoriginality and the onslaught of mediocre sequels, Brad Bird's computer-animated comedy about a rat who uses a garbage boy to become the hot new chef in Paris was not only a breath of fresh air, it is also one of the year's best movies. Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix is runner-up.

Best Comedy: It's the duo of Judd Apatow and Seth Rogen that take the comedy belt. Knocked Up and Superbad were both so outrageously hilarious that they both will share this title. The Simpspons Movie is runner up for it's staying true to it's roots and the satirical wit it brought, along with the slapstick.

Best Summer Sequel: Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix wins by a knockout. Unlike Ram Rami's mediocre Spider-Man 3, Gore Veberinski's bloated Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, and the over-familiar Shrek 3, David Yates' take of Harry Potter's fifth year at Hogwarts brings out the best in the series and in it's young actors Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint. The Bourne Ultimatum, with it's kick-in-the-jams action and Matt Damon bringing out the best in Jason Bourne, takes second place.

Best Actor: This is a no-brainer........Christopher Mintz-Plasse's gut-bursting performance as Fogell (aka: McLovin) in Superbad

Best Actress: Again, a no-brainer......Angelina Jolie as the wife of murdered journalist Daniel Pearle in A Mighty Heart.

Breakthrough Performance: Three no-brainers in a row! Shia LeBeouf in Transformers and Niki Blonsky for Hairspray take the top honors.

Best Action Movie: Every dog has his day. That's why Michael Bay will get this honor of action movie for Transformers. It's the embodiment of what an summer movie is: big, loud explosions, kick-ass action, and a damn good time that will be had by all. Live Free or Die Hard is the same embodiment and it takes runner-up.

Best Surprise movie: Hairspray. I mean really, did any of you think that a remake of the Broadway play -- plus John Travolta in drag -- would work? Everything from the dance No's to the music no.s worked like a charm. And since were on the subject of musicals, High School Musical II -- despite the overload of saccharine-driven story and cardboard characters -- worked it's Disney magic to make runner-up honors.

Best Hero: This is a tough one, but I'm going with Daniel Radcliffe reprising the title role of Harry Potter in Order of the Phoenix. Homer Simpson for saving the town of Springfield in The Simpsons Movie, gets runner-up.

Best Villain: No baddie put a shiver down my spine more than Imelda Staunton in Order of the Phoenix. As Umbridge, she not only brings out the evil side in bureaucracy, but she makes Dick Cheney look tame. Ashley Tisdale takes the runner-up prize in HSM II reprising her role as the school bitch Sharpay, who takes her bitchiness and her attempts to steal Gabriella's man, Troy, to new, irresistible lows that makes the Plastics look like a joke.

Most Disappointing: I never thought I would be giving this award to Peter Parker, but there's really no denying that Spider-Man 3 became a mediocre summer movie when the filmmakers sucked-out what dark narratives the third movie had in exchange for bigger and more visual action pieces. That, and having Peter go emo on you doesn't help out the cause much.

Worst movie: Who cares about who killed Lindsay Lohan's character in I Know Who Killed Me? What I do know that Lohan killed her career in just one summer with her next bomb, Georgia Rule. Sad to see a bright career was thrown to the wayside for a drive in the fast lane.

Ramdon Notes: Part One

Sorry for the cold shoulder for two weeks. I've been busy with school and the Ranch Review (now Opinion Editor!) and I have a lot to talk about.....in fact, this will be a two parter so without further ado, part one of my little segment, Random Notes!

Bonds is the new home run king: Seriously, am I the only one who didn't give a damn when Barry Bonds hit home run #756 to surpass Hank Arron as baseball's home run king? I'm a baseball fan, but I could not congratulate a cheating jackass like Bonds. What's even more pathetic is the phony speech he gave, thanking the fans for being there. Let me translate what Bonds meant to say to his fans:
Translation: 'thanks for putting up with my piss-poor attitude. Thanks for keeping me in San Fran when no other club would pick my ass up because of the fact that they don't want a cheating s.o.b. like me. I've made history, now i'm not going to play the rest of the game. Remember, it's all about me.'
Bonds, take your 30 pieces of silver, and fuck off.

Harry Potter and the Best Movie in the Franchise: Some critics are pissy that Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix lacks the charm of the last four films. Fair point. Yes, Daniel Radcliffe isn't the same 11 year-old boy we loved in The Sorcerer's Stone or The Chamber of Secrets. Neither are the last four movies. But I think the filmmaker, David Yates would be doing a disservice to the spirit of the fifth novel in J.K. Rowling's wonderful and rich series. Like all things, there comes a point were childhood must end and the seams of adulthood must rear it's ugly head, among with the darkness and pain it eventually brings. For Harry Potter, that time has come. Hogwarts is no longer a safe haven since the return of the evil Lord Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes). The Ministry of Magic and Cornelius Fudge are trying to dismiss Harry's claim that You-Know-Who has returned, even going as far to insert one of their own, Dolores Umbridge (a wonderful and nasty Imelda Staunton) to shut him up, and to keep the students from learning magic. And Dumbledore (Michael Gambon) avoids Potter at every turn. Add to that, Harry's growing teen problems: anger, growing up, and girls. These are the things taking place in this film. And it's by far the best one yet, thanks to some great performances from Radcliffe, Gary Oldman as Sirius Black, and Staunton as Umbridge, who is the Dick Cheney of the Harry Potter universe; the amazing set pieces from Stewart Craig; the excellent cinematography; and the great direction from Yates. It all adds up to one of the year's best movies.
***1/2 stars out of ****

Bush claims Executive Privilege over Tillman Death: You heard me right. The administration that couldn't sink any lower have yet again, found a new despicable low: by claiming the privilege over the death of NFL Quarterback/Army ranger, Pat Tillman.

WASHINGTON — The White House has refused to give Congress documents about the death of former NFL player Pat Tillman, with White House counsel Fred Fielding saying that certain papers relating to discussion of the friendly-fire shooting "implicate Executive Branch confidentiality interests."

Are you fucking kidding me? That family has gone through hell because of this endless and shameful saga, and now the president is withholding documents about how Tillman really died? It was bad enough that the Army lied about his death and it was sickening to learn that Gen. Stanley McChrystal knew that Tillman died by friendly fire but gave him the Silver Star anyway, but this is just nauseating, the kind of shit that the Bush Administration pulled here. The Tillman family deserves closure and better treatment than this, Mr. Bush, and you damn-well know it. Another fine example of how our commander-in-chief supports our soldiers.

Part 2, I will post later next week. Stay tuned.

Transformers: or how Michael Bay FINALLY made a decent, toleralble movie

In this corner: director Michael Bay. The 2nd shittiest filmmaker, behind the atrocious Uwe Boll. The man who spawned the awful Armageddon, and two of the worst films of the decade: the insulting Pearl Harbor and the vile Bad Boys II. The egotistical, pompous hack who believes himself to be auteur in the film making world.

And in this corner, the movie critics and haters (I am one of them) who wish nothing more but to run his ass out of town by slamming his mindless action pieces, his laughable dialogue, and his over-the-top and misplaced dramatic moments.

And what better way to start but to bitch-slap his latest offering, Transformers? Like Bay's other shit movies, there's the mindless, big, loud and dumb action pieces between Optimus Prime and the Autobots vs. Megatron and his cronies, the Decepticons. There's the signature crap storyline that goes off with to many characters: High school student Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) buys a dented Camero that turns out to be an autobot, Bumblebee, that helps young Sam team up with hottie Mikaela (Meagan Fox) to find the Allspark, a device that if fallen into the wrong hands, grants unlimited power to that alien robots. The autobots seek it to rebuild their home world of Cybertron, the decepicons want it only to enslave the galaxy. Earlier on, U.S. soldiers stationed in Qatar break into a fight of one one of the deceptions that hacks the U.S. security system, leaving Capt. Lennox (Josh Duhamel) and his friend, Sgt. Epps (Tyrese Gibson) out in the middle of the desert with a decepticon on their trails. And in a post 9/11 world, it wouldn't be anything but appropriate but to place a member of Dubaya's 'Axis of Evil' as a potential threat - North Korea.

Enough to crucify Bay's latest work yet again, right?

Sorry haters, but this time, Bay wins this round by way of knockout.

Bay haters who are reading this are wondering, 'Michael Bay made a good movie? How was this impossible feat accomplished?'

First off, nuts to Bay for doing what he's really bad at: filling in a weak story as an excuse to add in two hours and twenty-four minutes of implausible, mindless, robot-on-robot violence. From the transformations, to the loud, ear-deafening action-sequences, Bay works the excitement that puts Sam Rami's mediocre Spider-Man 3 and Gore Veberinski's bloated Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End to absolute shame.

Second, in hiring Steven Spielberg to co-produce the film instead of world record holder for longest charade of being a one-trick wonder producer, Jerry Bruckheimer. And third, for hiring LeBeouf to play the role of Sam. If Distrubia was his breakout performance, then Transformers is his vehicle to becoming a household name. Plus, he's the lone standout in a movie full of predictable cardboard cutout characters, which probably isn't saying much in a Michael Bay movie.

As predicted, critics are resuming the Michael Bay hate fest. Let em. In a summer full of mediocre sell-outs, Transformenrs will look like one of the few movies this summer that were fucked around with by human hands.

*** stars out of ****

Shrek The Third

Can somebody please tell me what the fuck is going on? How is it that now two of the three biggest movies released in the month of May are the biggest disappointments? Shrek The Third, like Spider-Man 3, was a movie that ran out of good ideas.

Mike Myers, Cameron Diaz, Oscar nominee Eddie Murphey, and Antonio Banderas are all back in their respectable positions (no need to tell them again, you should know who's who by heart) this time, they have to find a king to replace the deceased frog king of Far, Far Away; protect the kingdom from the hands of Charming (a devilish Rupert Everett),the once would-be king, now reduced to doing ye old diner theater, and Fiona getting knocked up; or as I like to call, stealing the screenplay to Spider-Man 3. Shrek, Donkey, and Puss in Boots find the would be king in Arthur (Justin Timberlake, what the hell are you dioing in this picture???), the high school nerd (you know this movie's going downhill when they have to make King Arthur the loser in a medieval high school) that even the other nerds pick on (a hint of Napoleon Dynamite, anyone?).

Rather than explain the damn story, I might as well explain what's wrong with the movie: it's more of the same pop culture references and CG wonder, but without the heart or wit of the first two Shrek movies. Much like the third time sequels such as The Godfather: Part III and The Matrix Revolutions, Shrek the Third has run out of gas, and makes you leaving the theater, hoping that there isn't a fourth.

** stars out of ****

Spider-Man 3

Trust me when I say, you'll know that Spider-Man 3 isn't as good as the first two films when Peter Parker (a disappointing Tobey Maguire) goes completely emo on the audience, then goes into his cheezy dance moves, moves I thought (or at least, hoped) the Gods of Cinema banned after Saturday Night Fever. Well, it's not entirely Maguire's fault for the lack of depth that was presented in Spider-Man 2 - that can be pinned right on screenwriters Sam Rami(also doing directing duties for the third movie), his brother Ivan Rami, and Alvin Sargent, who wrote Spider-Man 2.

The last Spider-Man movie had more depth and understanding about Peter trying to maintain his duties to New York City, and and to his college studies, and to his friends. Here, Peter just comes off a jerk who's letting his own ego swell, at the expense of his girlfriend Mary Jane Watson's (a tired and weary Kirsten Dunst) feelings of being a no-talent singer.

Still, there is still some pulse in this 139 minute movie. Thomas Haden Church does good work as Flint Marko, a small-time bank robber, wrongly pinned as Uncle Ben's killer who transforms as Sandman. He's one the few characters in the movie you can actually have empathy for because he can raise havoc in the streets of NYC, but can't save his dying daughter. The same can be said for Harry Osborn(James Franco)who vows vengeance on Spidey for killing his father by becoming Green Goblin Jr. But even his father's demonic spirit can't mask Harry's good and warm side.

The most disappointing character though, yet the most interesting, is Eddie Brock(Topher Grace in another fine performance), the smooth-talking sleaze bag trying to steal Pete's photography job at the Daily Bugle by phtoshoping Spidey robbing a bank.

It's the moment when Eddie becomes Venom when the movie really starts taking flight(Peter tries to extricate himself from the Black Suit and the parasitic host that took over his suit, in turn it gets on Eddie), but even with the last third of the movie becoming exciting and the final climatic action sequence, it's too little and too late. Much like when the black parasite affected Peter's judgment and his mod, Spider-Man 3 was affected from being an awesome franchise, rich with heart and story, now swimming in a sea of meritocracy.

**1/2 out of ****