It's almost the holidays

For everyone it means it's time to dig into our wallets and spend, spend, spend for our loved ones, make plans for Thanksgiving and X-Mas dinner, etc.

For some, it means getting into the holiday spirit by means of the usual traditions, like ice skating, or going door-to-door singing Christmas carols, or nuzzling by the fire with family, friends, or lovers.

For me, it's the most depressing time of the year.

Depressing, because its hard to get into the spirit of the season, and when I can't, I get even more depressed. I constantly replay, in my head, all the missed opportunities I should have taken if I wasn't so scared; I keep playing the "what if..." game repeatedly, and wonder if this will be the year where i'll have to go on some sort of anti-depressant medication.

For me, attending annual solstice parties result in me isolating myself from everyone else so I don't bring down their jolly good time.

X-Mas songs like "Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree," and "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas," are replaced by Radiohead's "How To Disappear Completely," and Weezer's "The World Has Turned And Left Me Here" as carols.

Winter nights where people flock to ice rinks or to other parties to do holiday stuff become me sitting in my room, or in my dad's office, wondering when this mood of feeling like complete shit will pass.

Its the most wonderful time of the year....except for me.

And, like a train that's never late to its destination, it'll be on the platform on the dot, never early never late, but always on the dot.

Fuck.