Hermit Crab

A typical weekend for me goes something like this:

Friday: Catching up on the news of the day or day before that on MSNBC, CNN and online with the Huffington Post.
Doing some cleaning around the house - maybe some laundry, often washing dirty dishes, constantly cleaning off the counter in the kitchen, folding up the blankets in the living room, and replacing the piddle pads on the walkway to the door.
Occasionally some reading - either the local newspaper or a book i'm re-reading.
Studying for the next class or completing a homework assignment.
Catch a movie with mom if she feels like it.

Saturday: Watch television.
Go online.
Continue studying for classes and/or completing homework assignment.
Do late brunch with mom and dad at the Broken Yolk Cafe.
Listen to my music on iTunes or on You Tube.
Watch one of the dozens of movies I have on DVD.

Sunday: Sleep in until 10:00 or 11:00 in the morning.
stock up on groceries at the commissary either in Imperial Beach, or all the way out to North Island in Coronado.
Make dinner for the family.
Maybe we see another movie. Maybe.
Listen to my music, again.
And if the laundry hasn't been done, then I'll do the first load.

That is my weekend in a nutshell. And the next weekend. And the next. You get the picture. Its practically what I do. There is the occasional time where i'm carried off to a barbecue thing with Mrs. Laura, a friend of mom's, but mostly every visit is an awkward affair where I don't really feel all that comfortable in. Even when I'm with mom at the salon, I really don't say much to my own stylist (yes, I have a stylist who cuts my hair, bite me!) who likes the both mom and I friends. Everytime i'm in a social setting, I feel totally awkward: I'm stiff, I don't really talk much, I try to find some place to be alone and wonder why the fuck I can't converse...It's like i'm not myself whenever this happens.

Factor in my struggles with self confidence and shyness, and you have a rarity in a young person: someone who prefers the quiet, familiar confides of being at home, than going out and being social with friends. Adding insult to injury, sometimes being at home is the loneliest, worst place to be. I'm stuck in my own private purgatory, and it's one I often think I won't be able to handle or get over anytime soon.