Hellllllllloooooooo Florida! - Take Two

That's right: i'm leaving tomorrow and I will be taking a week long vacation to beautiful Orlando, Florida to visit relatives. I doubt i'll be doing any posting on the NewsHounds O/T Forum, but I will be doing my thing over at Jonathan's Corner and at Banned and Dangerous.

I'll be back on the 2 of July, folks!

iSmut: Cumming to an AT&T/Apple Store Near You!

I'm not joking when I say that the new Apple iPhone 3G will carry a new feature: the ability to watch pornography.

Apple may be golden because of the iPhone, but the soon-to-be-updated device is also increasingly the source of forbidden fruit. Steve Jobs' company is keeping a civil, if embarrassed, silence on one of the potentially most lucrative and controversial uses of its handheld jewel: porn.

Leading porn purveyors see the iPhone as a dream come true. Its relatively ample screen size, speedy Web access and ease of use are just part of it. The device's miniaturized version of Apple's Safari software simplifies mobile access and streamlines the process of tailoring dirty sites for optimal viewing on the go. "It's by far the porn-friendliest phone," says Devan Cypher, representative for San Francisco–based Sin City Entertainment. As evidence of the gadget's rocketing popularity in California's porn capital, the San Fernando Valley, numerous iPhone-specific porn sites have been launched in recent months. "There are a few hundred iPhone porn sites now in use," says Farley Cahen, vice president of business development for AVN Media Network, the adult industry's trade body. Many others are currently in the works targeting the iPhone 2.0, which goes on sale July 11.

Amazing. You can access your favorite porn sites, watch smut clips, and beat your dick off all in one shot on your iPhone.
Anyone find this utterly disturbing?

Is the Google un-American? Or: How Bush-Backers Deluded Themselves Into a State of Denial

Ever since the 9/11 attacks, George Bush and his party have tried to fight the Global War on Terror by reminding the American citizen some food for thought:

A. We're the good guys; we're going to keep you safe from the evil-doers with the funny-looking towers wrapped around their heads and the long, raggedy beards; we're gonna find 'em, and kill em, and keep this up 'till there are no more terrorists in the world.

B. Anyone who dares question our motives or our plan, to have their judgment questioned at best, branded un-American and a supporter of the terrorists, at worst.

C. The Republicans want to track down and rid the world of the terrorists, the Democrats (or Defeatocrats, moonbats, or any word combination that makes the otherside sound like a bunch of pussies), with their 'Due Process', 'the 4th Amendment of the Constitution', and their 'Habeas Corpus', are making it harder for us, the good, strong guys, to fight the GWOT, and in some cases, aiding and abetting the enemy.

D. In a time of war, it is essential that we stand by out country and our troops, but most most importantly, our commander-in-chief and we must never waver in both his decisions and his loyalty.

E. Did we forget to mention that we, the Republicans, are the ones who want to keep you safe, and the Democrats are trying to protect the terrorists becasue they hate Bush for 'winning' in 2000?

This line of horseshit has been spoon-fed, swallowed, digested, and spoon-fed again time after time for five years, until the American people did what the GOP didn't want to have happen: we caught on to this ruse and said enough was enough.

So what do you do when your meal-ticket strategy of feeding Americans a spoonful of lies and scare-tactics goes by the wayside and has run it's course? Simple - continue to use what put you on the map and pray that there are just enough Americans who are still asleep and still oblivious to what has transpired in their country for the past seven years. So it comes to no surprise to me when I read conservative lapdogs who bash other people, institutions, and other groups for not marching lockstep with Our Great Leader, even though Americans have longed tuned themselves out from hearing such trivial nonsense, thank God. Yet, I have to bring this instance of a right-wing site taking on the search engine Google, not for taking a stand against the type of fear-mongering BushCo is infamous for, but for not displaying doodles on certain holidays.

But in the last few years, as Google has grown to dominate the world of Internet search, some people have detected a more sinister motive behind its choice of days to commemorate. From the National Review to NewsBusters and InstaPundit, some of the country's most prominent conservative opinion journals and news sites have published stories and blog posts denouncing Google for subtly pushing a liberal worldview in its doodles while steadfastly refusing to commemorate patriotic or religious holidays.

Few keep a closer watch on Google than the editors of National Review. For years, they have monitored Google's doodles in search of value judgments about America. When Google ignored Memorial Day in 2006, editor-at-large Jonah Goldberg wrote on NRO's Corner, "It's kind of sad. They change their logo for all sorts of holidays and occasions. Just last week they paid tribute to Arthur Conan Doyle's birthday. But Memorial Day doesn't seem to rate anything at all." In 2007, online editor Kathryn Jean Lopez wrote, "What, no Easter? I wasn't expecting a risen Christ, but at least an Easter bunny?" Last June 6, Lopez sniffed, "So today is the D-Day anniversary. Today is the day RFK died 40 years ago. So Google is celebrating Diego Velazquez's birthday, natch."

Even when Google commemorates Independence Day, Lopez has looked for hints of a clandestine liberal sensibility. Last year, she printed a comment from a reader who claimed that the American eagle on Google's logo was clutching olive branches—but not arrows, the symbol of America's military might: "I think they've gone with a remodeled 'peace is patriotic' bumper sticker. They just couldn't bring themselves to do something 'American' without making some kind of signal about current policy."

The Google is now having it's patriotism questioned for not displaying patriotic doodles on certain holidays. What's next? Sean Hannity will dedicate a special report on a group of mothers who haven't made frosted red, white, and blue sugar cookies on Independence Day?

Nevermind that it's Google's own business whether or not to display what they choose on certain holidays, it shows just how detached and how numb these Bush loyalists are, to the point where attacking a search engine site for not doodling some form of celebrating the Fourth of July is fair game.

Random Questions: The Thoughts Running Through My Head Edition

Okay, so it's not the most original title I've come up with, but it does explain some of the personal questions i've got lined up in this segment or Random Questions, like why I still care about whether or not I have a steady relationship, or why is it so hard for me to accept the fact that i'm an engaged, passionate and angry teen and not some in-crowd packaged clone the media wants me to be.

-Why do I still care about not being in a relationship? Ever since I was in high school, I got caught up in caring about having a girlfriend and having sex to the point where a good portion of my episodes of depression were caused by wondering why did I have to feel like the third wheel? Two years, a few good friends who set me straight, and Tuesdays of seeing my psychologist later, I began to stop giving a shit about the dating game nonsense. But there are times where listening to friends and their boyfriend/girlfriend's stories of what they did over the weekend and thoughts of ending up alone and loveless haunt me. Is this what I am missing and have so longed for all this time? For a girl to love me, or to show love to someone I care about? Or am I confusing myself between love and lust?

-Why do I still feel pressured to be someone I know I clearly am not? During the end of Junior year and thought Senior year, I had long accepted that I'm not the jock, the bad boy all the girls want to be around, of the coolest kid who went to all the high school parties, but the nice, angst-ridden teenager with an axe to grind against the state of the world and the popularity contest of high school life. Yet, the thing that makes me unique feels like both a blessing and a curse. It almost seems that I grew up too fast, and I had to make a choice between being an outcast and being a carboard product placement.

More questions to come later on.....

The Happening Or: What the Fuck M. Night Shyamalan?

I loved the idea of M. Night Shyamalan making his first R-rated movie, hated the piss-poor execution. Loved his premise (a catastrophic and unexplainable event in nature where people on the Eastern seaboard begin to commit mass suicide), hated how it went nowhere. Loved Oscar nominee Mark Walberg (The Departed) and cutie Zooey Deschanel (Almost Famous), hated how their roles were wasted. Loved how M. Night was going to shock us with the methods of suicide, hated how that became one sick gimmick thought the movie. And on it goes. To be fair, The Happening wasn't as terrible as Lady in the Water (I still can't get over how he roped poor Paul Giamatti into that mess), but he didn't do himself any favors by trying to make this environmental horror flick into the 21st century's version of The Birds. I am a huge fan of M. Night's work and I even defended him for The Village, but i'm beginning to think that critics might be right about Shyamalan being a one-trick pony who's running out of tricks. The sad part is that he's talented and a better filmmaker than this. I remember when his movies scared the shit out of an audience; when he used tense moments to build on our growing mounting fears. By the time I left The Happening, the question on my mind wasn't how we have taken this planet for granted, but how could Shyamalan continue to keep making movies like this?
*1/2 stars out of ****

Random Questions: All Things Must Come To An End Edition

So here I am with with more Random Questions! This week I ask about why all good things, including high school, have to end; why Hillary supporters are threatening to vote for McCain; why is that the Japanese make better cartoon shows than us Americans; and why Hillary Clinton couldn't ran her campaign the same way she have her amazing concession speech yesterday.

- Why must all good things come to an end? After four years of tests, homework, and typical teenage angst/bullshit that I've dealt with, I have finally finished my Senior Year at Otay Ranch High School, and I will graduate less than a week from Thursday. Looking back, there are a million things I could have done different, but I wouldn't change a thing because it's all lessons learned. The people I will miss the most are my Newspaper Editorial and Regular Staff, as pictured above (Erika, Marriah, Alex, Richard; all you guys rock, and we're the best motherfucking staff ever!), and my friends (Nick, Desiree, Eric, Justin, Grant, and anyone else I left out: y'all are the greatest!). The Class of 2008 has been though some crazy stuff thought the years (the California Wildfires, that stupid Souja Boy concert, to name a few), but we've finally done it!!! Onward to whatever our futures have in store for us! Oh, and here's all the issues of the Ranch Review that have been put out this year, and don't forget to look out for yours truly!

- Why couldn't Hillary Clinton have ran her campaign the same way she gave her graceful and emotionally-charged concession speech yesterday? Clinton's speech reminded why I have always held the her and Bill in high regard all these years, and its a shame that she didn't in this nomination phase of the presidential elections. In my eyes, this is the main reason why she lost to Barack Obama: When she was down, Hillary resorted to the hit-below-the-belt tactics instead of taking the high road. Now that she's stepped down and committed herself to helping the presumptive Democratic nominee win the White House, two things need to happen: First, Obama supporters need to extend the hand of friendship to Hillary's base in a way that is respectful and shows that we're all in this race together as Democrats committed to defeating John McCain in November. The second, is the next random question that has me wondering......

- Even with Hillary bowing out, why is that some of Clinton's supporters are still threatening to vote for McCain? From Wired.com:

They're mad as hell, and Hillary Clinton's supporters aren't going to take it anymore.

Some Clintonites are so mad about Barack Obama's Tuesday victory that they've launched a web site to build support to launch a lobbying group to support Republican John McCain.

"We're going to run campaign ads to defeat Obama," says Ed Hale, a 63-year-old rancher and a Clinton supporter from Wellington, Texas. "We have doctors, lawyers, CPAs, the blue bloods, and then we have rednecks like me. It's a very diversified organization."

The apparent peeling off of a portion of Clinton's supporters from the Democratic party illustrates the difficult task party officials now face in rallying the troops behind Obama. Open dissent within party ranks provides Republicans with openings to exploit.

Hale launched the "Hillary Clinton Supporters for John McCain" group last Saturday. The campaign claims to have 5,000 supporters, and its website visitor counter says that it has already attracted 37,807 visitors.

Exactly what would be accomplished by voting for a man who sides with the Shrub 95% of the time, yet toting that even though he's basically a loyal Reagan conservative he's still the Maverick candidate of eight years ago? We'd still be in this hellhole called the Iraqi quagmire, the tax cuts to the wealthiest 2% would still be in place, and we'd still be implementing the wrong fucking policies that got us to where we are right now: A country where more than 3/4ths of it's citizens believe America's on the wrong track and a world community that looks at us like we're ready to blow and raise hell. Oh, and did I forget to mention that women can kiss a right to have an abortion goodbye with a McCain presidency? Don't let bitter and hurt feelings dictate America's future.

- Why do the Japanese make better cartoons than Americans? I remember the days when American cartoon shows like Doug, Rugrats, Hey Arnold!, Invader Zim, and other cartoon shows were the shit to watch. Now I can't even stomach the crap they put now. I mean, Camp Lazlo and Danny Phantom? That's the best we can do now? Compare those shows to anime cartoons such as Strawberry Panic!, Love Hina, Tenchi Muyo!, and Full Metal Alchemist, its not even a fair fight. And the worst part is that the shows I can't stomach are hits, while I have to go on YouTube to watch Gundam Wing! Note to American cartoonists: watch shows like Full Metal Alchemist and Strawberry Panic!. You just might learn something.

May Nights At The Movies

The May movie lineup to this season's summer movie season may have as well been a time for audiences to play catchup with their favorite characters. Some of them we have welcomed back with open arms, others we kinda wished we haven't seen again. Yet, the stand out has been.....Robert Downey, Jr.? And I fall in love with Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte, and Miranda?! Stranger things have happened I guess.

Movie, best: Iron-Man - Robert Downey, Jr's Tony Stark shows up Speed Racer, the Pensive Kids, and Indiana Jones on how to make an entertaining, popcorn flick and still have plenty of heart. And let's not forget the great Jeff Bridges as Obediah, Stark's back-door dealing partner who never met a murderous Al-Qaeda wannabe group he didn't like. He damn-near steals the film from Downey Jr.
***1/2 stars out of ****

Movie, worst: What Happens In Vegas - Not just the worst movie i've seen in May, it's the worst movie i've seen so far this year. Watching Ashton Kutcher and Cameron Diaz make utter fools of themselves as two strangers who enjoy one drunken night in Sin City which results in the two of them getting hitched was just so hard to sit through, even with a running time of 99 minutes. Even more shocking is that people find a story about stupid people stooping to childish lengths to reclaim a check for $3 million in Vegas to be funny. Oy vey.
Zero stars out of ****

Disappointing, biggest: The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian - I was somewhat reluctant of giving Narnia another shot after 2005's overrated and candy-assed The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe. And after 143 minutes with Caspian, I doubt i'm signing up for Voyage of the Dawn Treader due out May 2010. It's nice how the filmmakers made this a darker, violent Narina movie, and how they give the Pensive Kids more depth from the last movie, but once again director Andrew Adamson takes a hat-in-hand approach to C.S. Lewis's epic series and finds a way of making them into a wannabe Lord of the Rings lite family movie without the heart. By the time the final battle rolls around and the action really picks up steam, it's too little and too late: you leave the theater and you don't feel a thing.
**1/2 stars out of ****

Underrated, seriously: Speed Racer - Critics jumped on the Wachowski Brother's latest groundbreaking as too much color, too little character depth, wafer-thin plot and too long of a sit for the tykes at 135 minutes. Know what? That's the whole point. Speed wasn't watched in the 60's for those reasons. It was made to entertain, and in that regard, it does it's job. Emile Hirsch, Matthew Fox, and company keep the action and the fun coming, and the visuals are drop-dead gorgeous, although your eyes might wear out from the bombardment of the parade of colors Andy and Larry throw out there. Here's a tip for watching this movie: let it all wash over you, and you'll have a great time.
*** stars out of ****

surprise, biggest: Sex and the City - I kid you not. This young, adult male fell in love with Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte. And I'm not ashamed of it, either. The dialogue is sharp and witty, and the four leading ladies (Sarah Jessica Parker, Kim Cattral, Cyntia Nixon, and Christen Davis) give solid performances. Peter Travers asked guys to "Stop resisting this movie. You just might learn something." Good advice.
*** stars out of ****

Welcome back, accepted: Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull - Even at age 66, Harrison Ford proves he's still got it. As Indiana Jones, he rarely misses a beat of the archaeologist/professor. This time, he's off to find and return a crystal skull that will grant the returner the ability to control minds, before the Soviets get a hold of it first. Shia LeBeouf tags along as Mutt, as well as Cate Blanchette as the villain. Steven Speilberg and George Lucas do a great job at keeping the film nostalgic, yet new and exciting at the same time.
*** stars out of ****