Okay, so it's not the most original title I've come up with, but it does explain some of the personal questions i've got lined up in this segment or Random Questions, like why I still care about whether or not I have a steady relationship, or why is it so hard for me to accept the fact that i'm an engaged, passionate and angry teen and not some in-crowd packaged clone the media wants me to be.
-Why do I still care about not being in a relationship? Ever since I was in high school, I got caught up in caring about having a girlfriend and having sex to the point where a good portion of my episodes of depression were caused by wondering why did I have to feel like the third wheel? Two years, a few good friends who set me straight, and Tuesdays of seeing my psychologist later, I began to stop giving a shit about the dating game nonsense. But there are times where listening to friends and their boyfriend/girlfriend's stories of what they did over the weekend and thoughts of ending up alone and loveless haunt me. Is this what I am missing and have so longed for all this time? For a girl to love me, or to show love to someone I care about? Or am I confusing myself between love and lust?
-Why do I still feel pressured to be someone I know I clearly am not? During the end of Junior year and thought Senior year, I had long accepted that I'm not the jock, the bad boy all the girls want to be around, of the coolest kid who went to all the high school parties, but the nice, angst-ridden teenager with an axe to grind against the state of the world and the popularity contest of high school life. Yet, the thing that makes me unique feels like both a blessing and a curse. It almost seems that I grew up too fast, and I had to make a choice between being an outcast and being a carboard product placement.
More questions to come later on.....
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