May Movies:
Iron Man (May 2) - Critics and audiences are in love with Robert Downey Jr.’s performance as the iron-clad Marvel superhero. As well they should -- he gives Iron Man and his alter ego, multi-billionaire defense contractor Tony Stark, a soul. Not to mention that the movie jump-stars a sluggish movie season so far with guns a-blazing. This adaptation of a Marvel Comic book raked in over $100 million + in it’s opening weekend, meaning this has to be entertaining as hell. Speed Racer (May 9) - The Wachowski Brothers are back behind the director’s chair, and this time, they’re doing….a family film!? The same duo that gave us The Matrix trilogy and V For Vendetta are going family friendly on us? Only Andy and Larry could take the popular 60’s Japanese anime hit and take us on a trippy ride into a new vision of filmmaking. Problem is that the critics can’t stomach this neon-colored, CG spectacle. That, and we’ve seen this done before (hello there Sin City, hi there 300), but what’s that to stop us from watching the same technique again?
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian (May 16) -The Pensive kids are back in this second adaptation of C.S. Lewis’ epic seven-part saga , only to learn that 1300 years have passed in Narnia time, and the magical land has fallen under the hands of the evil King Miraz. Newcomer Ben Barnes playing Prince Caspian will definitely have teenage girls watching, but here’s the six million-dollar question: will Andrew Adamson provide us with a darker, scarier adventure in the land of Narnia, or will it be the same candy-assed approach audiences watched the first time with The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe?
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (May 22) - The most talked-about movie coming out this summer has the most to gain and the most to lose. Can director Steven Speilberg and executive producer George Lucas craft an Indy flick that matches with Raiders of the Lost Ark? Does Harrison Ford have what it takes, at age 66, to play the famous professor/archeologist and kick some ass? Will it be the biggest hit of the summer, or will it be a huge bust? All I have to say on the matter is: in Speilbeg, I trust.Sex and the City (May 30) - Probably the one movie every man in America will fight tooth-and-nail not to see with their wives and/or girlfriends. And who can blame them? The end of this popular HBO series should have been dealt with when Carrie fell in love with Mr. Big in Paris, but no, they had to show what happens after happily ever after…..but I digress. No matter what I, nor your boyfriends, nor the critics say, women will still see this movie and become juicy gossip the next day.
June Movies:
You Don’t Mess With the Zohan (June 6) - Like I said before, the summer movie season trots out the god-awful, steaming piles of crap, and Adam Sandler’s new slapstick comedy about a top Israeli assassin moving to the Big Apple to carry out his dream as a male hair stylist, is no exception. Don’t get me wrong, Sandler’s done great comedic work in the past (Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, Big Daddy) , but now it’s getting tiresome watching him almost virtually playing the same character he’s done for the past decade, and it’s even more painful to know that the newly-appointed comedy czar Judd Apatow had a hand in writing part of this fiasco.
The Incredible Hulk (June 13) - On one hand, Oscar-winning director Ang Lee isn’t anywhere near this sequel to the first flop continuing the saga of Bruce Banner and his alter ego, the green giant, Hulk: Loius Letterman (The Transporter) takes over the director’s chair. And Edward Norton has replaced Eric Bana as the title character. So why do I still feel this movie is going to disappoint me? I hope I’m wrong.
The Happening (June 13) - You can quote me on this one: M. Night Shyamalan is back. You remember, the guy who creeped us out with his tales of the supernatural (The Sixth Sense, Unbreakable, Signs) as a pathway to the soul, before he trotted out The Village and Lady in the Water? And by the looks of the trailers he’s learned his lessons from those two stinkers. His new thriller deals with a high school science teacher (Mark Walberg) running away from a environmental disaster that has human beings going mad and committing mass suicide. Strange, I know, but it’s what he does best. The Love Guru (June 20) - You know that this movie has ‘shit’ written all over it when the fillmakers have Justin Timberlake talking and eerily looking like Borat. The pop star, along with another comedic genius, Mike Myers, and hottie Jessica Alba, are also dragged down in this mess of a movie about an American raised by gurus in India who comes home to spread his wisdom on love and relationships. Sorry, but there’s already a guru filling the position: Dr. Phil.
Get Smart (June 20) - The only thing that worries me about this remake of the 1960’s spoof TV show, is that Hollywood has a notorious record of making bad movies from television shows (Bewitched, Charlie’s Angels). Luckily, Steve Carell is playing the wannabe James Bond, Maxwell Smart. Even if this movie tanks, expect Carell to still crank out the laughs, as he did in the awful Evan Almighty. No worries here.
Wanted (June 27) - Let’s see: a fraternity of assassins killing to save the world + shitloads of gunfights + amazing action sequences + Angelina Jolie back in kinky, sexy, kick-ass and take names mode after her career-best performance as the wife of murdered journalist Daniel Pearl in A Mighty Heart = the male antidote to Sex and the City. June 27 can’t come faster enough.
WALL-E (June 27) - You can take this animated tale of a robot cleaning up after Earth becomes unlivable for humans, as the wizards at Pixar Animation Studios going political, the same way George Miller did with Happy Feet, or as the ultra-liberal Hollywood machine indoctrinating children into a far-left ideology that global warming exists, as would the Sean Hannitys and the Glenn Becks of the right-wing world will spoon-feed it‘s brain-dead listeners. Or you could accept WALL-E for what it is: another home-run hit in the making for the geniuses behind Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, and Ratatouille. Call it, friend-o.
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