Going into 10,000 B.C., I knew full well of it’s intent: to merely entertain the masses; it’s not the kind of movie which leaves a lasting impression on it’s audience, nor is the film’s concept supposed to be original (10,000 B.C. is a remake of the 1966 movie One Million Years B.C.). You’re just supposed to turn your noggin off and go with it. I can forgive 10,000 B.C. for it’s awful, wooden manikin actors in model-turned actor Steven Strait, playing woolly mammoth hunter D’Leh (don’t ask about the name) and his love interest, Evolet (Camilla Bell), and I can forgive screenwriters Harald Klosser and Roland Emmerich for churning out such a dull and cliché-riddled script about how a mighty prehistoric civilization ravishes the native land of a tribe who’s name I cannot even begin to pronounce and how D’Leh travels across the known world to rescue his people and his beloved Evolet. What I can’t forgive, however, is how this pre-historical epic has no excitement, no thrill, and no pulse to it’s 109 minute runtime. Director Roland Emmerich, at least made movies that were definitely grade ‘A’ cheezy, but a hell of a lot of fun to watch like Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow. Even the sequences with the man-eating ostriches, the wooly mammoth hunt, or the “supposedly” climatic battle between other enslaved tribes and the mega empire who build pyramids to honor their god had no feeling of danger or excitement. And the audience I was with at the Regal Rancho del Ray 16 on Sunday shared the same feeling as well, having not cheered or been taken aback with action ecstasy since the trailers of Wanted, Iron-Man, The Happening, and The Dark Knight played right before this lackluster wannabe epic.
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